Christmas Programs Past

The time frame:  December, every year from 1979-1987

The location:  My childhood Lutheran church in central Indiana

The characters:  My sister and I, and all the other students in our school from K-8

The occasion:  Our yearly Christmas program

Every year, for my entire grade school experience, our school would gather in the sanctuary to practice our Christmas program.  Don't worry - we didn't come to the rehearsal unprepared. . .in our individual classrooms, for weeks beforehand, we had been learning and memorizing our parts.  Each class was to "choral read" (that phrase was always strange to me as a child) a portion of the Luke narrative (see below - we always used the KJV translation), and also sing various Christmas and Advent hymns.  Everything was memorized in my recollection:  large chunks of Luke 2 and several stanzas of all the hymns.  

In my memory, the program was wonderful. The entire school sat in the first many rows of the church, and the parents, grandparents, and other congregants sat behind us.  While the older kids spoke from the lectern, we all sat patiently in our seats. Until -- it was our class's turn to speak.  When that special moment came, we all stood, turned around and faced the adults, and chorally recited our portion of the Luke 2 story.  When we finished, we sat down and the program continued.  Interspersed throughout the program were hymn stanzas.  One in particular stands out in my mind - From Heaven Above to Earth I Come . . .we sang alternating stanzas from each side of the church.  

 When I was younger, the older kids were to be revered; looked up to.  They had extra speaking parts from the lectern at the front, and generally seemed to have the program well in hand. As I got older, those special jobs fell to my class.  I remember having some lines from the lectern in about 7th grade, and specifically putting on Vaseline lip gloss so my lips would shine while I was reading (perhaps a little too self-focused that year!).  Another year, I remember sitting in the pew, waiting with my class for our turn to speak during rehearsal, and playing with a little shark tooth necklace I had.  I must have been told to put it away and disobeyed, because my teacher took it away from me until after the practice.  After the program every year, we would go to our classroom to pick up our coats and belongings, and often, our teachers would give us a little Christmas gift.  Those moments, post-program, in our classroom are vivid in my memory -- everyone was so excited for Christmas!

The annual Christmas Program created so many memories for me.  A sense of belonging, excitement, sparkling lips, fancy dresses (with hose and heels as I got older) and a feeling of pride in our telling of the Christmas Story.  But what is most etched in my mind is the actual words we spoke.  Because we memorized everything year after year, I can recite, almost verbatim, the KJV Luke 2 story.  I also know many, many hymn verses by heart as well.  

My youngest daughter and I have an Advent countdown chain on the refrigerator.  It is a telling of the Christmas story.  Each day, she reads the verse on the chain link to me.  As we began, I was delighted to hear her read the KJV verses aloud.  I quickly join in each day, with phrases such as "went out a decree from Caesar Augustus" and "his espoused wife" and "sore afraid", each snippet of the story taking me back to those early days of hearing the story over and over.  

I am so thankful for the foundation that annual Christmas Program gave to me and all my classmates. I imagine many of them can recall the sacred story of Christ's birth as well, largely in part to our learning it in our Lutheran grade school.  And, in turn, I am ever grateful that my own children are being given this foundation as well -- both at home and at school.  

"Glory to God in the highest, and earth peace, goodwill toward men."

Luke 2: 1-19 KJV

And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be taxed.

2 (And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria.)

3 And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city.

4 And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David:)

5 To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child.

6 And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered.

7 And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.

8 And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.

9 And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.

10 And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.

11 For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.

12 And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.

13 And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,

14 Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

15 And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Lord hath made known unto us.

16 And they came with haste, and found Mary, and Joseph, and the babe lying in a manger.

17 And when they had seen it, they made known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this child.

18 And all they that heard it wondered at those things which were told them by the shepherds.

19 But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart.

20 And the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things that they had heard and seen, as it was told unto them.

The Week(ish) In Pictures

It's been ages since I've blogged, I see!  November was in.sane.  Lots of good stuff - entertaining, holidays, traveling, plus regular life that doesn't slow down just because all the other stuff is happening.  All of the above results in little time for writing.  So here's a few thoughts on our last week or so, in picture caption form:

Gazing upon this collection of baby Jesus in the manger warms my heart.  I collected these over my children's preschool years (and no, we don't have an extra four children hidden away that you were unaware of, some children made a manger more than one year), and I treasure them now.  Baby Jesus' many faces, each drawn with careful preschool precision are precious to me.  Now that I teach preschool, in the same school my children attend(ed), I do this project with my students too.  I hope their parents enjoy The Best Gift as much as I do. 

Ummm.  Yes.  My boys seem to think T shirts and shorts are still the clothing du jour, even though it is freezing out and there is snow on the ground.  I have mentioned to them that going without a coat seems foolish and ill-advised, but they are not concerned.  And unless they're going to be outside for an extended amount of time, I am not going to fight that battle.  So please don't judge me when you see my boys looking ready for a late summer stroll.  I've been down that road, and I'm gonna let it go.

I texted the picture above to my husband (full disclosure - while we were in the house together, but on separate floors - are we the only couple who does this on occasion?).  I find ALL THE TRUTH here.  To be honest, I love Christmas shopping, but Christmas shopping isn't for wienies.  The list-keeping, the tallying, the recording, the keeping-it-even(ish), the sale-searching, the waiting-in-line (and also the waiting-for-free-shipping) and the schlepping from store to store can take a lot out of a girl!  Luckily for me, my husband is great gift-giver, so he always aces his Christmas list.

All Saints' Day

Today is one of my absolute favorite days in the church year.

All Saints' Day. Every November 1st, we get to celebrate those saints -- those who died in Christ -- who went before us.

And when I sing (pray, meditate on) the words of this hymn below, I am almost always reduced to tears. What an example the saints are! They lived their lives -- not perfectly, not without sin -- but they lived their lives with Christ at the center and forefront. They lived their lives fully for Christ. Every Sunday, as we commune, we are united with the saints who have gone before us. Every Sunday, heaven and earth meet as we share Christ's body and blood with those at worship with us, all Christians on earth, and with those saints who are living with Christ in heaven. How beautiful!


Take a moment to read the words below and think about the saints who struggled as we do, who fought here are earth, who never lost sight of Jesus. Those who died in Christ have won! They are brave again, their arms strong. These faithful warriors have been given rest in heaven with Christ. What comfort this gives us! Those who have gone before us -- both "famous" saints who inspire us with their lives of bold faith as well as those quiet saints who lived among us. . . friends, family members. They are in paradise with their Savior!


My dear friends, I have tears streaming as I ponder these words, because they are written for us too! Someday, as our warfare has run long, and our fight has been fierce, a distant triumph song will be in our ears too. And soon, soon to us - His faithful warriors, will come rest. Eternal rest in Christ.


Alleluia, Alleluia!


"For All the Saints Who from Their Labors Rest"
by William W. How, 1823-1897 

1. For all the saints who from their labors rest,
Who Thee by faith before the world confess,
Thy name, O Jesus, be forever blest,
Alleluia! Alleluia!

2. Thou wast their Rock, their Fortress, and their Might;
Thou, Lord, their Captain in the well-fought fight;
Thou, in the darkness drear, their one true Light.
Alleluia! Alleluia!

3. Oh, may Thy soldiers, faithful, true and bold,
Fight as the saints who nobly fought of old
And win with them the victor's crown of gold.
Alleluia! Alleluia!

4. O blest communion, fellowship divine,
We feebly struggle, they in glory shine;
Yet all are one in Thee, for all are Thine.
Alleluia! Alleluia!

5. And when the fight is fierce, the warfare long,
Steals on the ear the distant triumph song,
And hearts are brave again, and arms are strong.
Alleluia! Alleluia!

6. But, lo, there breaks a yet more glorious day;
The saints triumphant rise in bright array;
The King of Glory passes on His way.
Alleluia! Alleluia!

7. From earth's wide bounds, from ocean's farthest coast,
Through gates of pearl streams in the countless host,
Singing to Father, Son, and Holy Ghost,
Alleluia! Alleluia!

8. The golden evening brightens in the west;
Soon, soon, to faithful warriors cometh rest.
Sweet is the calm of Paradise the blest.
Alleluia! Alleluia!

Live Blogging it, Instant Pot Version

4:30  Decide we will have dinner in the brand new Instant Pot (which I purchased for a fabulous low price at Kohl's of course).
4:31  Commence reading all the directions.
4:32  Feel terrified that the house will blow up due to exploding pot pressure
4:40  Feel vaguely competent and begin looking for a recipe.
4:42  Gather ingredients for mexican chicken recipe.
4:46  With great trepidation, begin the Instant Pot cycle and pray we live to see tomorrow.
4:46:05  Adjust cycles several times, re-reading non-user-freindly directions and searching fruitlessly for an apparently misnamed function.
4:50  Watch the steam valve spew steam, and remind all the children to give the Instant Pot a wide berth at all times, lest death occur.
4:55  Approach the Instant Pot, being certain the valve is in its low, resting position.
4:56  After removing the lid, attempt to shred meat and find it is done, but not at shreddable done-ness.
4:56:05 Feel frustrated.
4:57  Add two more minutes to timer and hope for the best.
5:01  Attempt to speed along the valve-dropping process, touch the valve (as the directions say can be done), and jump backward a mile when steam wails out of the valve.
5:02  Take deep breaths and remind myself that I am in charge of the Instant Pot.
5:03  Pour myself a glass of wine.
5:04  Attempt to remove the lid and find that it is stuck.
5:05  Listen to ridicule from my eldest son. Stick my tongue out at him.
5:06  Re-read the directions AGAIN to see what is wrong.
5:07  With great fear and trembling, mess with the valve thingy and let out the rest of the steam.
5:08  Finally open the lid and give great thanks that the meat is shreddable now.
5:09  Shred meat in kitchenaid mixer (one of its amazing uses!).
5:10  Serve dinner to family.
5:11  Call the Instant Pot a qualified success.

Stack 'Em Up!

Two months.  That's how long it has been since my eldest girl left for college.  Two months of getting adjusted to life around here without her.  Two months of her getting adjusted to her new life.  I've missed her terribly, but I've also been surprised that I've been doing all right in her absence.  I'm so proud of her. . .she's working hard - at her job, her studies, her extra curriculars, making friends, and keeping her faith nurtured while away from home.

And like I said, we are finding our way as a household of six.  Getting out six plates instead of seven. . .me and the kids being able to fit into our teenager five-seater instead of needing an SUV. . .moving  two of the kids into new bedrooms and reorganizing. . .'circling up' to say our morning prayer with six instead of seven. . .the list goes on.

BUT - this weekend, we got a brief few days to be all together again.  My girl had a long weekend and came home, and it was glorious.  She helped out in my classroom, she hugged and loved and played with her siblings, we baked cookies and bread and made chili (until the power went out - for 24+ hours 😐 ).  We watched movies and cuddled on the couch, she flopped on my bed like old times and talked to me at bedtime, and we laughed and laughed and laughed.  It was good for my soul.  Saying goodbye today (while not as hard as two months ago) evoked a few tears from both of us.  Having everyone home just feels right.

And I remembered what I blogged about a year ago (you can read that blog post here). When my kids started driving, I had them enable the Find My Friends app on their iPhones, allowing me to see their location.  I only look at it if I have a concern about someone's late night drive or arrival time, but it's very comforting to have when someone is running late etc.  And as I blogged about last year, when everyone is home, the little circles with everyone's pictures on them are stacked up neatly together, right on our house.  Oh - how I love seeing them all here!

I know my kids leaving the nest is exactly what they should be doing; it is what we have been preparing them for.  We want them to spread their wings and fly.  But I cannot tell a lie.  When all the circles are stacked up at our house on my little iPhone map, my heart soars.

When all of us are home together, all is right with the world. 💗

Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder

Last night, on the drive home from a lovely wedding, my husband said this to me:

"I was looking at you tonight, and you looked so beautiful".

I told him thank you and pondered his words.  I was so appreciative to hear them: I never take for granted those kinds of affirmations.  I try always to take those declarations to heart  -- not because my husband doesn't say them often enough, but because I know that with each compliment, he is showing his love for me.  

Last night in particular I was thinking about beauty.  I am not beautiful by worldly standards, but my husband thinks I am.  And why is that?

I thought about it as we drove home, and realized I could apply the same thought to how I see my husband. Objectively, he is a handsome man (I know I can't exactly be objective, but I KNOW this to be an objective truth! :).  Yet as I was thinking about his face, I realized how beautiful it is to me.  You might look at him and notice he is good-looking, but I get to see so much more.  I see his lovely features and easy smile but I also see our shared history:  I see our children, our years together, all our moments - both the good and the bad.  In his beautiful face I see our commitment to each other, the marriage that sustains our love.  I see him as the selfless father he is, giving and giving to our family, no matter his exhaustion level.  I see in his face his deep desire to lead the people of his flock to Christ, and his commitment to truth.  I see his integrity, his honesty and his wisdom.  I also see his weaknesses and areas of struggle, and I love him all the more for them.   

Through the window of his face and physical body, I see who he is.  And many of his close friends could say the same of him to some degree.  But I am grateful and blessed to see more.  To look into his face and see things that no one else is able to see.  God gifted me this man, and through him I am able to see true beauty. Through him and our marriage, I am able to see a little glimpse into heaven.  

And it's beautiful.

You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you.

Song of Solomon 4:7

The Week in Pictures

A visual sum up of my week:

Van Gogh's "The Starry Night" with my preschoolers!  We've been learning about the color blue in preschool, and this week we watched a little snippet of an old favorite series of mine - Baby Einstein. My children cut their teeth on Baby Einstein, and watching the 2-minute segment of Baby Van Gogh instantly took me back to those years!  My little preschoolers were mesmerized by the images as we talked about the color blue.  Then, after seeing the Van Gogh painting in the video, we went on a field trip down the hallway to see the real thing hanging on our school wall.  Later, we painted our own version of the painting.  They loved exploring the color blue!

My experience with Hello Fresh.  After some research (mostly via Facebook, not gonna lie), I decided to use the coupon I had and try Hello Fresh.  I spent $11 to get two two-serving dinners - not too bad.  However, when the package arrived, the ice packs were completely thawed, and the meat was cool at best.  The picture above shows one of the brown bags filled with ingredients, which broke apart as I pulled it out of the box.  Everything was damp with condensation.  I had to pitch all refrigerated items.  I contacted the company right away, and they gave me a credit for another shipment.  I still have to pay shipping for the new shipment, so I am debating trying them again. The good news? We did get a teeny tiny bottle of white rice vinegar out of the deal, so there's that.

A different take on the beautiful Proverbs 31 passage.  I love Proverbs 31, and I aspire to be that kind of woman (though my children have yet to rise up and call me blessed), so I have mixed feelings about this little spoof.   It completely sums me up, but it feels a little too irreverent to me.

Readers!  Yes, my dear friends, I have to admit that I have succumbed to reading glasses.  I have had them for less than 24 hours and they have changed my world.  I am not even kidding. I had no idea that my phone, medicine bottles, the computer and book pages could be so crisp and clear!  It is seriously unbelievable.  I have had a lot of trouble with my eyes this year, and to have a success like this makes my day!  $9.99 at Walgreens for the win!

Growing Pains

I recently ran across a list of words my youngest mispronounced when she was very little.  And oh - my heart was transported back to that little girl -- the one who asked hundreds of questions every day, the one who gave me a heartfelt blessing each night. . .the one who talked to popcorn at Target.

How quickly the time is passing with little K.  She is growing into a lovely little lady, a third grader who loves to read and learn about robotics and sing and dance.  She is a joy to all around her, and I love the kind heart we see blossoming in her.

But as I read over this little list, my heart ached a bit for the sweet little one she once was.

Wash Mouth - Mouthwash
Scunscreen - sunscreen
Cupcapes - cupcakes
Glubs - gloves
Kineapple - pineapple
Christmas presidents - christmas presents
Oktoberfestible - Oktoberfest
Dentister - dentist

Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart.

Winnie the Pooh

Golden Anniversary

My parents celebrated their 50th anniversary last week.  A few stats:

18,250 days together

2 beloved daughters

8 adored grandchildren

3 houses

1 hometown

lots of laughter

many sorrows shared

plenty of compromises

much love and grace

Fifty years is a long time to be married to a person. When you're married that long, every moment isn't always full of roses and rainbows -- sometimes there is hurt, anger and frustration.  But in a solid marriage, with Christ at its center, those moments are overcome with a firm commitment to the vows they made to each other and to God.  And in the case of my parents, nothing could be truer.  Through hard times and good, happy and sad days, their marriage remained strong and sure, rooted in Christ.  

I am grateful for the example they have shown me, and I pray God grants them many more years together.

The Communion of Saints

Several years ago, I blogged the following here, on the Sisters of Katie Luther blog.  I was talking to my daughter about my dear grandma, and the communion of saints that unifies us. I have always found the communion of saints beautiful and comforting.
My eldest girl left for college two weeks ago today. I'm doing better than I expected, but I still miss her very much.  I miss sharing our days together - both the exciting and mundane details. While we are still so very well connected via text and FaceTime,  it just isn't quite the same while she's away.  But the very first Sunday she was away, I asked her this: "Did you have communion at church this morning?" And she said she did.  What a joy to know that though we are miles apart, we are united together in Christ through his body and blood.  Such knowledge does this mamma's soul good.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us. . .

Hebrews 12:1

“Riddley, Riddley, Ree!  I see something you don’t see, and the color of it is. . .”  My five-year-old daughter loves to play this old family game, passed along for a few generations.  I recall playing it with my beloved grandma, as she sat under the hair dryer in my childhood kitchen.  

After being told where the game originated, my little daughter has begun asking me about my grandma, who passed away when I was pregnant with her older sister in 2000.

“Tell me about your grandma”, she says often.

And I begin with great memories. . .she loved Coke, ham sandwiches, and shopping.  She was widowed young and reinvented her life by becoming a real estate agent.  She adored her family, took pictures of everyone all the time, and said “Hello, love”, when we talked on the phone.

But above all else, she loved her Savior.  She had a faith that emanated from her very being.  Everyone who knew her knew that she put Christ first in her life.  Her constant prayer was for unbelieving family and friends to come to know her Lord.  She was an amazing witness and example of faith in action.

And as I cuddle in bed with my sweet babe, recounting all these things, perhaps not surprisingly, we came upon the beauty of the communion of saints.  Explaining the communion of saints to a five-year-old, child genius as she is (I’m her mother, I get to think that!) is no small undertaking.  I proceeded carefully, traveling along something like this:

“Do you know how Mommy and Daddy and your brother and sister take communion every Sunday?  We take communion together, and we also take communion with all the people at church that Sunday, right?”

She agreed, so I continued.  “Well, you know that your grandparents and aunts and uncles take communion every Sunday, too, right?  Even though they are far away, we are communing with them, because we all believe that Jesus is present in the bread and wine.  So, we are not actually standing next to them, but we are still communing with them.”

She nodded again, so I took the final leap.   “It is the same thing with all the people who went to heaven in Jesus.  Though we are not standing together, we are united in Jesus’ gift of His body and blood.  Each time we take communion, we are together with all believers!”

I’m not sure just what she retained, but the seeds were planted.  What a glorious gift, this sacrament!  Together with all believers, it binds us to Him and strengthens us for our journey here on earth.  Praise God for His holy sustenance!

Yet she on earth has unionWith God, the Three in One,And mystic sweet communionWith those whose rest is won.O blessed heav’nly chorus!Lord, save us by your graceThat we, like saints before us,May see You face to face. 

The Church’s One FoundationLSB 644

Thoughts on College from an Adjusting Mamma

It has occurred.  What I have expected and dreaded for over 18 years actually happened.  My sweet young adult daughter actually went away to college.  And while we've been prepping for it for awhile now, it still feels a little surreal.  Some of my thoughts about the last several days.

• Leaving her at college was one of the hardest things I've ever done.  Acknowledging that fact to myself made me realize that I have had a pretty wonderful life!  But truly my friends, as the hour approached for us to leave, my heart felt as though it was being ripped from chest, and I wondered if I could really do it.  I knew though, even then, that this was the best thing for her, and that she would flourish there.  So we said our teary goodbyes and I cried all the way home.  
• My daughter is amazing! After a very long and watery school day for me on Friday (I have some amazing co-workers - more on that below), I finally made it home, where I could have a cathartic cry.  But my spirits were lifted exponentially when my daughter face timed me and was cheerful and chipper and had had a good day.  While the ache of missing her is still something fierce, I felt ever so much better knowing she was adjusting.  Also in the amazing category, re:my girl, she had to go downtown today to get some paperwork filled out for her job, and she did it!  She and her sweet roommate took public transit down and back and got it taken care of.  I would never have had the courage to do it three days into college, but she tackled it head on and got 'er done. I was so very proud of her.
• Technology is the goods.  I DO NOT know how my parents and I did this moving-to-college thing without it.  I only called home twice a week!  My daughter and I have been texting multiple times a day, FaceTiming and calling when needed.  Technology has made the transition so very much easier.  I am unbelievably thankful I am sending my kids to college with these options at our fingertips.  She feels so much nearer because of all of these connections!
• My husband is awesome.  He has held me while I sobbed, counseled me through my emotions, and listened to me lament.  He is also patient while I recount multiple text conversations with our daughter and sometimes repeat myself :(  He is missing her terribly too, but is able to help me through my sorrow at her absence.
• My coworkers, friends and family are fabulous!  As I mentioned above, I cried a little  a TON on Friday.  It felt like at every turn, I was weeping.  It was driving me crazy, but I couldn't seem to hold it together whenever someone hugged me or asked about my girl.  But my coworkers were so kind and thoughtful, and loved me through it.  I am so thankful for them!  I also received countless texts from friends and family who were checking in on me, knowing this task was going to be so very hard.  I received a little gift of chocolate and coke zero from one sweet friend (which brought me to tears - I told you I cried all day!), and hugs and love from so many others.  I am so grateful for these friends!

All in all, my girl seems to be adjusting well, and I am doing okay because I know she is where God wants her to be.  I still feel a bit like my leg has been cut off, but perhaps that ache will ease with time. If not, I will learn to manage it, I suppose.  At the end of the day on Thursday, there was a service for all the parents and students, and at the end we sang (I say "we" loosely - I cried through the whole hymn and couldn't sing a word) the hymn below.  How comforting these words are to our aching hearts - our daughter is never alone!

Go, my children, with my blessing, Never alone.
Waking, sleeping, I am with you; You are my own.
In my love's baptismal river
I have made you mine forever.
Go, my children, with my blessing - You are my own.

Go, my children, sins forgiven, At peace and pure.
Here you learned how much I love you, What I can cure.
Here you heard my dear Son's story;
Here you touched him, saw his glory.
Go, my children, sins forgiven, At peace and pure.

Go, my children, fed and nourished, Closer to me;
Grow in love and love by serving, Joyful and free.
Here my Spirit's power filled you;
Here his tender comfort stilled you.
Go, my children, fed and nourished, Joyful and free.

I the Lord will bless and keep you And give you peace;
I the Lord will smile upon you And give you peace;
I the Lord will be your Father,
Savior, Comforter, and Brother.
Go, my children; I will keep you And give you peace.

The New Normal

18 years and 5 months ago, I had a little baby.  Our first!  She was a beautiful pink-cheeked angel and she stole our hearts.  She was our pride and joy and as we got used to what I called our new normal, I found it shocking how fiercely I loved her.  Her every move, emotion, and need became my primary focus, and I knew I had been right when I thought motherhood would be my calling.  Being her mommy (and her daddy's wife!), was the vocation I had longed to fulfill my whole life.  

As she grew, we added her siblings one by one, and life was good.  Oh, of course there were many moments of frustration, sadness, exhaustion and anxiety.  But my over-arching emotion toward motherhood was the same:  this was my calling.

And here I am, this week.  In four short days, my husband and I will be delivering that sweet baby to her first year of college.  I'm not quite sure how we got to this place so quickly.  The years have flown by, and my heart hasn't really had time to catch up.  But the time has come, whether my heart feels ready or not, and we must embark on this new adventure:  parenting a young adult from afar.  

I look at her, and I see the great things she is going to do, both in college and beyond.  She is ready to spread her wings and be on her own, learning and growing and blossoming.  She might be a little homesick and have some growing pains herself, but she is prepared to handle it all.  She is mature and rooted in her faith, and she is going to do great things, I feel sure of it.  

But remember my heart?  It's having internal conflict all the day long.  I want this for her (going away to college is absolutely the best choice for her), yet my heart just isn't quite ready at the same time.  I'm simultaneously thrilled for her and aching for what will change. While she isn't leaving forever (to my great joy I realized that she'll be home 1/3 of the year!), Thursday marks a definite change in what we've known for 18 years and 5 months - our girl being with us in our home, sharing her everyday life with us.  And that's a little hard to get used to.

So I'm praying for so many things:  for her to flourish and succeed and have an amazing college experience; for her to stay safe and healthy; for her faith to deepen and grow;  for her to meet new friends and have new adventures; for her to learn so many new things and grow even more in her excitement for teaching little ones; and finally, for all of us still here in our house - that we can adjust to our new normal with as much grace and peace as we can, knowing that while she isn't under our roof, she is still being held under God's wings. 

A Letter to Moms of Littles

Dear moms of little ones,

I remember the stage of life you're in.  You're deep in the trenches of motherhood and it's not always pretty. Nights are short, days are long, and sometimes it's really, really hard.

And then a well-meaning older mom tells you something like this:

"It goes by so fast!  Enjoy every moment! Soak it all up!"

And you want to punch her in the face.

Because you're thinking - how do I enjoy it more?  Everyone says these days go by quickly, and I see that they are, but seriously, is there something more I can be doing?

The answer is no.

Mammas, you ARE soaking up every moment.

You're taking in every breath of sweet baby scent, feeling almost light-headed with love for your child.

You're soaking up your child's first words, first steps, first bike ride, first day of school.

You're cherishing the cuddles with your little one and saying bedtime prayers, listening to her voice sweetly talking to Jesus.

You're listening with super human patience as your child learns to read, even when one page takes an eternity to get through.

You're there with kisses for every owie, hurt feeling, and disappointing moment.

And yes, you're soaking in even those horrible, soul-sucking moments, when you're sleep-deprived, elbow deep in poop, with a child crying, and another child feeding the dog yesterday's leftovers.

You're taking it all in and treasuring it, each moment in its own way.  The spectacular, joyful, glorious moments as well as the mundane, tedious, heart-wrenching ones.

Motherhood is an all in sort of vocation.  You create a little life, (a entire person!) and your world turns upside down.  Suddenly this little one is everything.  But it's not always easy, and you wish time away, just when everyone is reminding  you to soak it all in.  

Mammas, hear me:  you are soaking it all in. The good, the bad, the ugly -- these are what you will look back on fondly.  And time has a way of making even those terrible, awful, no-good moments look appealing in hindsight.

So don't let anyone make you feel like you're doing it wrong, or wishing it away, or not enjoying it enough. There will be moments that are not all that pleasant, but you're still present and mothering through it, and that's it's own form of enjoyment and fulfillment.

Keep soaking in every moment, mammas.  Motherhood is your calling.

Love,

A mom of older ones

20 Years and Counting

20 years ago this month, my husband and I moved up north to start a new chapter in our lives.  My husband was a fresh seminary graduate, and we had been married just two years.  We moved in the hot July humidity, trudging our newish wedding-present-decor and our used, garage-sale furniture into our new apartment.  Several people from our new congregation helped us, and our new life as "Pastor and Mrs." began.

And here we are, 20 years later, still in this place, still with those same people who helped us move in that day, and still excited about ministry here.  When we moved that day, young and naive, I would never have imagined that we would stay in our first call so long; indeed, none of my husband's seminary classmates are in their first call, we are the only ones to have remained in ours.

Yet here we are, and I am so thankful for God's goodness in this place.  From the very beginning, we have been enveloped in love, and that is still true.  I recall in those first weeks the groceries given to us, the furniture, the help getting settled into our new town, and more.  And as time passed, and we began to make friends here, we realized just how blessed we were by the people of our new congregation.

As our family grew, and through both happy and sad times, the people of Trinity have rejoiced with us, cried with us, and loved us.  And we in turn have grieved with these people, ached with them at times.  And other times, we have celebrated with them, hearts full.

On that hot July day 20 years ago, I don't think I could have imagined the blessings God had in store for us. He has provided us with a true family -- one who loves us, supports us and cares for us. I am often overwhelmed with love for God's people here - they are all precious gifts from God.

I thank my God in all my remembrance of you,  always in every prayer of mine for you all making my prayer with joy, because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now.  And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.

Phil. 1:3-6

Live Bloggin' It, Dinner-Style

4:45 - enter the house after a three hour shopping trip with three of the children to Game Stop, Target, the Dollar Store (lots of green/orange items for my newly painted preschool classroom!), and to pick up Bandit the hedgehog from his pet sitter

4:50 - finish unloading everything from car to hear screams of distress that Bandit's cage has dumped out all the care fresh (rife with poop I'm sure, but I can't handle thoughts of that right now) and it's "HIS FAULT!"

4:51 - send vacuum upstairs to the offending party with reminders that it was an accident

4:55 - head upstairs to help reassemble the cage and cut felt for the bottom instead of care fresh, because "none of the scissors will cut the felt"

4:56 - successfully clean up/reassemble the cage

4:59 - look longingly at the couch for a rest since I woke up inexplicably at 5:45 am, but head to the stove to start dinner instead.

5:01 - pour myself a glass of wine and eat some cheese and crackers while I work on dinner

5:05 - whilst making dinner, guide a discussion with my daughter about what she needs to take to college

5:06 - suggest she make a google doc

5:07 - listen to intense teasing from my oldest two about how late I am to the game of google docs, and how I want to make a google doc for everything

5:08 - laugh till I'm in tears

5:09 - switch laundry while hamburger is browning

5:10 - listen to the children laugh/talk/dance in ridiculous ways and realize just HOW LOUD my family is

5:12 - listen to the boys in the basement playing their newly purchased video game

5:15 - remind one boy for the third time that he can't shoot his brothers with Nerf Rival bullets

5:20 - finish dinner prep and sit down at the island, everyone engaged in something and the house now quiet

5:21 - realize just how much I love the craziness of our home

New York, New York!

My 18 year old daughter and I just returned from a trip to the Big Apple, and it was fabulous.  We took in the sights, rode public transportation, ate NY food, and had a great time together.  A few of my thoughts:

• NYC and NJ transportation can be stressful.  But my competent daughter had all the apps (I did too) and led us confidently all over the place.  We learned a few things  1.  a Metro unlimited pass cannot be used by two people, unless you want to wait 18 minutes between uses,  2. if you don't wave a NJ city bus down, even if you are standing directly by the bus stop sign, it will fly past you without a second glance,  and 3.  it is amazing how many people can be packed onto a subway or bus.
• Broadway shows are unbelievable.  We saw two - Come From Away (the story of the diverted 9/11 planes to Newfoundland), which was funny, poignant and full of talent; and The Play That Goes Wrong, which was a hilarious slap stick show complete with a collapsing set.  Both shows took place in impressive old theaters, full of history and Broadway tradition.  We loved them both!
• Our NBC tour and taping of Late Night with Seth Myers were highlights for my daughter (along with Come From Away).  She watches SNL and 30 Rock, so it was really cool to be in that building seeing so much of what we've seen on TV.  I was hoping for a chance sighting of Jimmy Fallon or Al Roker, but no such luck.  We did have our tours done by NBC pages, which made us think of Kenneth (they were not as funny as Kenneth, sadly).
• We ate at Shake Shack and a couple of other NY places, but we really didn't spend much time or money on food, oddly. We were focused on seeing what we wanted to see, and neither one of us needed a big sit down meal during the whole three days.  So we ate here and there quickly, in between all of our walking (and walking and walking!).
• There are a LOT of people in NYC.  Of course we knew that already, but Times Square after our Broadway shows let out was insane!  I wouldn't want to be in that kind of environment all the time, but it was fun for our few days!
• A "quick" trip to IKEA on the way home netted lots of college gear too - BONUS!

The best part of our trip was simply spending time together.  We laughed and talked and laughed some more.  I am thankful for the time we had there!

The Week(ish) In Pictures

A little summary of the last couple weeks, photo-style:

This is a picture of our stairs, lined with Bath and Body Works Limoncello Body Cream.  This stuff is the best consistency and the best scent ever made.  And since I love the scent, it was destined to be discontinued (read more about that here).  I was in BBW with the kids (if you haven't been to BBW with multiple children, you haven't lived, btw) and saw they were on clearance.  I bought as many as our budget would allow, and some jokester lined them up when we got home.  I may keep them there as new decor.

This little cutie sits in my spice cabinet, full of cinnamon and sugar.  When I was a girl, we had this very kind of shaker for our cinnamon and sugar, so when my mom found one, she snatched it up for us.  Every time I get it out for one of the kids, I am taken back to the 70s and my happy childhood.

Two pictures from my daughter's graduation party.  We had a chalkboard theme and I looooved it.  After a few weeks of buying decor for the party, I had to give myself a little lecture about overbuying cute chalkboard items.  We had chalkboard stuff everywhere - it was so fun!  My 16 year old son didn't think so, though.  He wandered through the dining room during the week of the party, saw the chalkboard paraphernalia being lettered and prepped everywhere, and proclaimed humorously, "All this chalkboard stuff is obnoxious!  There is no way we are having a ridiculous theme like this when I have a party!".  He cracks me up.

(And for the record, we will be having a theme for his party. :)

The other day I was at the eye doctor with three of my kids.  Our appointment was scheduled for 3:30, and we had to be at a baseball pregame practice by 5:00.  I knew time would be tight and I had prepped my son's coach that he might be a little late.  As we sat in the waiting room, a nice gentleman across from us struck up a conversation.  We talked about sports, hedgehogs, pet rocks, jobs, school and vision problems.  He was very friendly and after we had both been waiting for 30 or more minutes, he asked which doctor I was seeing.  When I told him, he said, "Oh, you must be scheduled after me".  With an inward groan I looked at my watch, knowing that we were going to barely make it for the start of the game.  A few minutes later, the nurse came out and called the man for his appointment.  He called her over and said he'd like to switch appointments so we could have his.  "I'm retired", he said.  "I'm not in a hurry."  I was so touched and thanked him.  Back in the exam room as we waited longer, I wrote him a little note and left it with the girls up front when I left. Such kindness and thoughtfulness to a stranger!  We were blessed by his generous heart!

Graduation Reflections, Part Two

Our girl has graduated high school.  It has happened.  Between Baccalaureate, Graduation, prepping for her open house, and hosting her open house, things have been a little crazy over here.  A few thoughts:

• Upon hearing Pomp and Circumstance, I was instantly taken back to my own high school graduation ceremony and it felt quite impossible that I was not, indeed, 18 years old myself, but was watching my own 18 year old daughter enter the theater with her class.  
• The only time I got choked up the entire weekend (can you believe it??) was when she and her class were instructed to move their tassels to the other side of their caps, indicating that they were now alumni of Marian High School.  Alumni!
• Prepping for a graduation party is a lot of work.  We decided to do all the food and cupcakes for 100+ people.  But - I enjoyed all the preparations with my daughter, mom and mother-in-law.  Thanks to google, we were able to calculate how much of everything we needed (and even though we had more people than we expected, we still had leftovers).  We browned hamburger, baked cupcakes, shopped for decor, bought taco toppings, and generally had a great time doing it all.
• We went to church on Saturday night so we could prep on Sunday morning for the party that afternoon.  All the girls and moms sat at the island, laughing and icing cupcakes.  My dad blew off the deck and sprayed for mosquitoes.  Everything ran smoothly and I thoroughly enjoyed the time we had together as we pulled it all together for our girl. That morning's preparations will remain embedded in mind as some of the best memories of the weekend.
• Extended family arrived and with them, two of my dear friends from college.  They drove 8+ hours to come and run the kitchen for me during the party.  Yes - that was their purpose in coming - to celebrate our daughter, and to work. And work they did!  As people arrived, my husband, daughter and I stayed near the front door, greeting everyone, while my friends worked tirelessly, refilling food, drinks and cupcakes.  And looking fabulous while doing it!  I was beyond moved by their generous outpouring of love for me and my family. I guess I was wrong above, because I cried for the second time that weekend, when they left to head back to Missouri.  How grateful I am to have such friends as they are!
• After everyone left, and all the dishes were washed, and the chairs and tables returned to church,  we sat down with our immediate family while our daughter opened her cards and gifts. After awhile we sent the younger kids to bed and it was just us with her.  And the emotions of the weekend caught up with her.  As she read everyone's kind words of support and love, she was overwhelmed.  What a blessing to feel overwhelmed with such things!

And now, as things are shifting from graduation into summer, we are able to rest again a bit.  What a beautiful week/weekend it was, watching her take that step toward college and adulthood.  She is ready and equipped for it.  There is so much ahead to look forward to!

End of Year Reminders For Senior Parents

The title above is the subject line of an email I received this week.

Lemme break it down, because all of those words are Alarming.

End of Year - what the heck?  Just the other day I was sending my children off to the first day of school -- taking pictures of them on the front porch, and wishing them well with their new teachers and classes.  I was welcoming my sweet little class of preschoolers into my classroom, teaching them about Jesus, and also how to sit on the rug for circle time.  It's incredibly hard to believe it's the end of the year already, especially this year, as the end of this year marks the end of all I have known for 18 years (too much?  perhaps.  or maybe not).  End of Year = End of an Era.

Reminders - I have a lot of reminders this season:  in my head, on my (multiple lists), in my emails, at school, in my children's Friday folders, about medical information, in details for my daughter's graduation and open house, from my children's coaches. . .there is a lot this old girl has to remember right now.  And as I've written before, sometimes I rock spinning all the plates, and other times, well, not so much.  I'm somewhere in the middle right now, dropping a few, rocking some others.  Overall, my brain is pretty much at full capacity, and we haven't even begun to account for emotions, which, as you might have guessed, are running high.  Reminders =  Mild to Moderate Overload

Senior Parents - Ummm - who?  You can't possibly be talking to me, high school administration.  I am the mommy to many small children, some of whom are still in diapers and go to preschool.  My children still want to sit on my lap and need me to help them get in their carseats.  Wait, what?  Those years are past?  It seems they are, and I don't know how they disappeared so quickly.  I am now the mom to drivers, and employees and Academic Award winners.  I am the mom to nearly-adult children who make me laugh hysterically.  Thankfully, I am still mommy to a few youngish ones yet (I am so thankful God knew my mamma-heart and provided me with so many years of parenting!), and they are able to fill some of the voids my older children have left as they have grown up.  So, unaware I am of how it happened, it seems I am a Senior Parent (and only for a few days longer, to boot!).  Senior Parent = Parent In Disbelief

So, high school administration -- I have no idea how your email got to me so quickly.  How my little baby, my little girl, has become a beautiful young woman, on the cusp of graduating from high school and leaving home for college.  Most of me feels unprepared for this new era which is upon me, but then I look at my girl, and I see that she is ready.  She is ready to take on this new adventure and see what God's plan is for her.  And because she is ready, I am ready too (or will be, incrementally!).

Look out world!  It's the end of the year, and my senior is ready to take you on!

The Week in Pictures

A little snapshot of a few things that have been happening over here in the last week:

This week I had my Mother's Day Program in my classroom.  All the children were so excited to have their moms and grandmas in our room.  They sang for, laughed with, and hugged and kissed those special gals.  It is one of my favorite moments of the school year.  I shared with the mammas something I had written a few years ago - a reminder of what an amazing job they are doing. What a joy it is to teach these little people, and also get to know and love their families over the year!  I will miss them all so much in a couple of weeks!

My daughter's graduation party is coming up in a couple of weeks, and I have been cooking, baking, planning and buying (we are having a chalkboard theme and I've told myself I can't buy anything else chalkboard related)!  I can't say I'd want to do this all the time, but I have really been enjoying getting it all ready.  I'm not exactly ready emotionally for the big event, but I hope I will be ready for the party!  

Oh my goodness, the yanny/laurel debate.  We are a house divided.  Some people hear laurel and very firmly feel that anyone who doesn't hear laurel has clearly lost their mind.  Others (me) cannot in a million years imagine hearing laurel from a word that so clearly sounds like only yanny.  The science behind it all is pretty interesting and has sparked many conversations about sound and hearing.  So I guess it's a win, because science?  

It has been a week of awards for my high schoolers. . .academic, theater and scholarship awards.  Three nights and three different ceremonies.  It has been every bit of awesome to watch my two oldest be honored for their achievements.  I love them fiercely and have been weepy more than once this week (I'm sure you're so surprised by that!).  I am grateful for the gifts and talents they have been given.  To God be the glory!

Graduation Reflections, Part One

Ok, it's kind of weird to entitle a post "part one", when one doesn't have a real vision of what parts two or three will look like.  BUT - given the subject of this post, I just have a gut feeling that over the next month I will have many graduation reflection feelings (pride, tears, joy, tears, happiness, tears. . . you get the idea).  So - the first of probably several thoughts I will have on my daughter's upcoming high school graduation:

About January/February of my daughter's 8th grade year, my husband and I had a moment.  He had spoken with two good friends whose children had attended nearby parochial high schools, and he suggested we consider touring some instead of just assuming that our nearby public school would be the right choice for her.  Oddly enough, since I had only ever attended parochial schools my entire schooling career, I felt anxious about this plan.  The schools we were talking about were 30 minutes away, cost a lot of money, were full of people we didn't know, and were just plain unknown.  But - I did agree that we should check out our options before truly deciding what was best for our daughter. Our girl, who had been thinking she would be attending the public high school with most of her friends, was a little emotional, but mature about it all.

And so we visited the first school on our list - Marian.  Very soon into our visit, I knew this would be the place for her (and her brothers and sister).  My daughter felt it too -- she said it was just like our Lutheran grade school - only the high school version.  We were impressed with the students we encountered, the staff we talked to, and the curriculum we were shown.  But most of all, I remembered being drawn into the integral goal of the school -- to help form Godly, moral Christian people, and to get them into heaven above all.

Though our daughter felt all of what we felt, it was still a bit of an emotional mental switch for her.  We told her (and she understood), that we would listen to our children's opinions about where they would like to attend high school, but that as their parents, we would ultimately be making that important decision. And very soon, we knew that Marian was indeed our choice for our children.

We told our daughter that we weren't "afraid" of public education -- that choosing this parochial high school was not an alternative to public education or somehow a safe zone, shelter or oasis.  But -- that Marian would work in tandem with us as parents to do the following:

• To continue to teach our children to know and love God
• To give them a solid moral formation and foundation
• To show them how to love God with their entire being, which would therefore spill over into every aspect of their lives, including how they would conduct themselves in all circumstances

My friends, Marian felt like home.  Marian's mission felt like that of our Lutheran grade school, and all the things we valued in it were valued there as well.  The teachers at Marian want to touch young people's lives in just the same way I want to touch my students' lives in preschool and grade school.  The teachers in both places want the core of everything they do to be Jesus.  To show children Jesus, and bring them closer to him.

As our daughter's time at Marian is coming to a close, I am so incredibly thankful God led us there.  My daughter (and my son, behind her) has received a top-notch college-prep education, but more importantly, has continued to have her faith fed and nurtured on a daily, hourly basis.  And those lessons will last an eternity.