Sunday, November 16, 2014

Bad iphone

The scene:  My kitchen island, 9:30 p.m.  I was sitting at the computer in my jammies, hair in a haphazard ponytail, working on lesson plans and texting back and forth with my colleague.

The sitch:  Whilst texting my friend, I noticed that there is a little camera icon next to the texting bar.  Realizing it must be new since I had done the most recent upgrade, I decided to check it out.

Bad idea.

For you see, my friends, that innocent-looking little camera icon, is actually Up To No Good.  Not knowing this, of course, I touched the icon and within in seconds, a picture was snapped of me and was being texted to my friend.


I squealed in horror as I saw the hideous picture of me being sent into cyberspace.  "No!" I said, scanning the screen in a desperate and futile effort to stop the text.  I soon realized it had already been received on her end, so I switched to damage control.

I sent off several texts in rapid-fire succession, to the effect of:  "Delete that picture immediately! Don't ever touch the camera icon - it takes a picture WITHOUT YOUR APPROVAL!!  Look at my weird face and double chin!"

After many agonizing minutes, I received a text that said she trashed the picture and was cracking up.  I breathed a sigh of relief, and decided then and there to pass this information on to you, dear reader, as a Public Service Announcement, for your safety and well-being:

Do not ever, ever, hold down the camera icon whilst texting on your iPhone.  Unless you are a movie star and all pictures taken of you look like Audrey Hepburn, you will live to regret it.  Now that I have suggested you not touch the icon, many of you have an overwhelming urge to in fact touch that icon and touch it right now.  If you fall into that category, I suggest you try touching it only in a text thread with your mother.  She will love you no matter what your picture looks like.

Thursday, November 6, 2014

For freeeeee!

How to score a $59 purse from Kohl's for nada:

The short answer is:  be a loyal Kohl's customer.

The slightly longer answer is:

Go to Kohl's with a cheerful heart, embracing your love of shopping (this is optional, but it is oh-so-much more fun to shop happily, don't you agree?)

Peruse the purse section and decide on the perfect one to hold all your daily needs.

Look at the price tag.  Read $59 and think "That is way too much for a purse.  That does not fit in our budget."

Remember you are at Kohl's, where of course the price tag is never, I repeat never, what you end up paying.

Smile to yourself and and walk with a spring in your step up to the checkout.

Present the purse to the cashier, along with two paper coupons and two email rewards on your phone.

Hear the cashier exclaim what a deal you just scored, and inform you that you still have $5 left on your phone reward.

Exit the store on a money-saving high.