Silent Night

Silent Night.

Flickering candles.

Beautiful harmonies.

Cherished faces.

Family. 

A newborn Baby.

Love.

Those phrases sum up the end of worship last week on Christmas Eve.  As the church reverently lit their candles and passed the flame down each pew, the organist softly playing the beginning strains of Silent Night, I looked down at my hands, holding a lone candle. 

And suddenly my hands seemed to change before my eyes. . .instead of hands showing their 50 years, I saw young hands holding the candle.  And the candle didn't have a fancy plastic holder, it had a flimsy paper one that sometimes dripped hot wax onto my fingers.  

I recalled my childhood Christmases, earnestly holding the candle my parents entrusted me with.  I remembered singing in the aisle with the school choir members, and later with the adult choir.  I thought of our early years of marriage in differing states and our last 25 years at Trinity, juggling wiggly children with their own lit candles that I cautiously let them hold onto, their faces rapt with joy. 

And I realized, with a great amount of reverence, that every Christmas Eve of my life (except for two due to sick children), I was in church, holding a candle, singing Silent Night, surrounded by family.  Very quickly, the beauty of that realization hit me, and my eyes welled up.   For 50 years, I have been blessed to celebrate Christ's birth in this way - quietly, reverently, beautifully, and with family.

So many things change in life, and change is not my fave.  I prefer continuity and constancy and sure bets and steadfastness.  

But this.  This moment, though each year looks a little different, remains at its core the same.  The family surrounding me has changed over the years - some people are sainted with Jesus, some are far away, and some have been born to us.  The church family is different as the years pass too. But every year, I stand with my candle in my hand and my family filling the sanctuary with me.

What a gift.  To have had parents who raised me in the church, week in and week out, including so many Christmas Eves (and mornings!), to have married a man who values the faith and dedicates his life to it, and to have children who hold their faith dear and are themselves so deeply affected by the birth of their Savior.  

As I stood there, last week, with my candle in my hand, singing by heart the song I've sung on December 24th every year of my life, I looked around at the faces both in my pew and in the rest of the church, and I thanked God for His generosity to us.  That He sent His son, in such a lowly way, to save all of us.  That He gifted us all with each other - brothers and sisters in Christ - to encourage one another on our walk.  

That one silent night, so long ago, changed everything.  And because of that silent night, we have everything. 

 

150 Years of Love

Dear parents of my PreKindergarteners —

I love your child fiercely. I love her when she gives me hugs, when his face lights up with understanding during a lesson, when she is selfless during center time, and when he sings his heart out during Jesus time. I love your child when he is frustrated and gets upset, and when she has big feelings that are hard to navigate through. I love your child when he says silly things that make me laugh, and when she asks questions about Jesus and shares her faith with her friends, saying joyfully -  “Jesus is in my heart!”.  I love your child fiercely.  

As each school year starts and I begin to form a bond with my students, I am always taken aback a bit by my love for your children. This love comes on quickly and strongly as we get to know each other and become a class family.  This morning I was praying for your children before I got up for church, and the following thoughts came to mind:

This morning was the kickoff service of Trinity’s 150th year. For 150 years, Trinity Lutheran Church and School has shared Jesus with those in our community.  Pastors and teachers have shared the gospel and God’s word has taken root in people’s hearts. And this morning my heart was filled with joy at the privilege it is be a tiny part in that timeline. I already often think about the gift it is to be surrounded by so many selfless teachers who pour themselves out for their students — teachers who work tirelessly to help their students learn academically, but more importantly, grow in their faith.  I  also often think about all the other Lutheran and parochial teachers across the world who are doing the same things in their little corners of the world. 

But this morning as I thought about our 150th celebration worship today, I realized I don’t remember quite as often those who went before us and did all these same things. They also got tired, and discouraged, and felt insignificant, perhaps thinking - does anything I’m doing really matter??

And as we look back, oh how we could answer them — YES!! What you are doing MATTERS.  I think of my own Lutheran school education and the incredible foundation it gave me for literally every piece of my life.  And I think of my mother, who also received a Lutheran education and feels the same way, and her father before her.  The names of all those teachers and pastors won't all be remembered, but what they did has an eternal impact.

For 150 years, God’s servants have walked into whatever building housed Trinity at that time and shared Jesus with their students. For 150 years, they have had the same feelings I have about my little ones. And it’s kind of an overwhelming feeling, knowing how God can take so many ordinary people and use them to share His love. 

So dear PreK parents, I started this letter sharing my love for your children, and I’ll end it just the same. As I carry on, day in and day out, teaching your children their letters and numbers and working on fine and gross motor skills and how to be a kind and loving friend, I’ll also be reminded of this:  God is using me, like He is using everyone at Trinity now, and all those who taught before me and those who will be called here in the future, to be His hands and His feet. So even when that task might feel daunting, instead I’ll be reminded that God loves your children more than I do, more than you do, and He, like He has for eternity, equips us all with what we need for the task.  I am grateful to have the chance to love your children this 150th year of Trinity. 

Love, Mrs. M

 

Duke Strikes Again

 My dear friends, you may remember Duke, our beloved precious good tolerated puppy.  He's adorable, but so very full of super naughty behavior.  While he is slowly improving (with age and the help of a very special collar), he still has a loooooong way to go, as evidenced by what you're about to read.  

Duke, deceivingly cute

The other night, my husband had several men from church over for dinner and drinks.  The men were all in the dining room and I was next door in the kitchen, working.  The men were having a great time, with so much laughter.  I wasn't really listening to what they were saying, but I was so enjoying their constant laughter.  And bonus!  They all seemed to truly enjoy Duke and not mind at all that he was nearby as they ate dinner and had a drink afterward. 

And then the laughter really intensified.  The men were howling with laughter and I began to wonder just what was going on in the dining room.  Before long, my husband called out to me, "Honey!  We owe him a new pair of pants!!".

With great trepidation, I went into the dining room to find that dear old Duke, friend to fun-loving guys in the dining room, had, over the course of several minutes, chewed/consumed/destroyed the pant leg of one of the men's jeans. So sneaky and quiet was this naughty boy that our friend didn't even realize it was happening!  This was the carnage:

Duke has ruined so many things in our house since we got him almost a year ago, but never has he eaten the clothes off of someone while they were wearing them. We've reached new lows.  

I was laughing and crying so hard I could hardly stand up.  Our friend was an amazingly good sport and was so generous to us in our state of horror. I hugged him as he tried to make me feel better for owning such a wretched animal.  

Seriously.  Is there a more poorly behaved dog in all of the land?  If so, please share your stories with me so I feel a glimmer of hope.

In the meantime, you can find me tirelessly guarding all important items in our house and hoping these days will soon be behind us.  

Then and Now

I spent several hours yesterday and today driving to visit one of my college boys. I haven’t seen him, our third and middle child, in about a month since we moved him into his college dorm. As I told several people the day that we dropped him off, leaving your third child for his first year of college is no easier than leaving your first or second child. It still hurts quite a bit as you drive away, leaving a piece of yourself behind. I have missed this boy during these last several weeks, like his siblings before him. But, I am doing better than I thought I might, which is largely in part because I am so confident and excited about the place he is in. He has been adjusting himself and doing so well with it.  Knowing he is doing fine soothes the ache in my heart just a little bit. 

While I have visited my college children many times, going to visit this child in particular hits a little different, as my kids would say. Our third child, whom we used to affectionately call our monkey in the middle, goes to school in the same city where he spent the first seven weeks of his life, in the NICU of the Children’s Hospital there. And after those seven weeks in the hospital, my husband and I made countless trips back for appointments, hospital stays, surgeries, and checkups. For the bulk of the three hours it takes to get to my son's college, the drive is exactly the same as it was to take him to his children’s hospital; in fact, we pass one of the hospital locations that we frequently visited over the years. As I drove all of those miles yesterday and today to hug my giant son, I couldn’t help but ponder all of the drives we had made in years past.  He was a much smaller but no less precious son. Sometimes, those drives were exciting, and sometimes, they were filled with anxiousness or fear, both on our part and our son's. How different it is to drive that highway this time, knowing that I got to see my boy when I arrived.

Many of those trips to the hospital were exciting ones for my son. Even though he has had 15 or so surgeries, he typically approached every one with excitement – he loved staying in the hospital. And while we knew that each overnight stay might be a challenge for him, we were incredibly grateful for his spirit and sense of thrill as the visit approached with every passing mile. He loved the hospital! He loved the food, the nurses, the one-on-one attention from mom and dad, the Child Life specialist, the therapy dog that might come to visit…  the list goes on. Even though my husband and I might have felt a little worried about a surgery now and then, our son's peace and anticipation made it so much easier for us. 

Our son is studying to be a nurse at this university in the town of his children’s hospital. He wants to work in the pediatric wing of a hospital when he graduates. He is wonderful with children and so very much wants to be for them what so many nurses were for him for so many years: a source of joy, safety, cheer, and comfort. I was texting with my son the other day and told him how vividly I could picture him in this vocation. Typically, while I hope and pray for many things in the future (weddings, grandchildren, vacations, and the like),  I often can’t quite picture them very vividly. But for some reason, I have such an incredibly clear vision in my head of my son, confidentially entering a child’s hospital room, big and strong, dressed in scrubs, and with a beautiful and warm smile on his face. I can see the child in the bed, perhaps anxious or sad, and I can see my son, who knows just how that child might be feeling, introducing himself and setting the child’s fragile heart at ease. And it brings me such incredible joy. 

While we were hanging out today, we decided to go to the hospital and walk around.  Oh, the memories!  We swapped stories and finished each other's sentences as we walked those incredibly familiar halls.  So many of those visits were scary and worrisome, but overarchingly, our memories are so good of all his time there. 

As I drove all of those miles and walked those halls and pondered all he has experienced over his 19 years, I thanked God. I thanked Him for giving us this child, for providing for him so richly through all of his challenges, and even more, helping him grow so much through them. And I also thank God for his heart now, for his desire to give back and to reach out to help others in this specific way.

Only God knows the future for our son, just as he always has. In those early days, oh, how we prayed for God to give us faith and show us the way, just as he had given Abraham with his son. Never in our wildest dreams could we have envisioned how God would provide for him. As usual, God’s dreams and plans are far better than mine. So, while I have this vision of our boy ministering to the needs of those in the hospital, only God knows how he will use him in the future. And I can’t wait to find out what that will look like. 

Thoughts on our Vacation Down South

Late Friday night, we returned home from our family vacation.  This year's vacation looked a little different - mainly due to the fact that we didn't all sleep in a teeny tiny pop-up!  Yes, this year we went to South Carolina, and our 21-year-old pop-up doesn't have A/C, so we couldn't bring her along.  We had an amazing time seeing the sights in South Carolina and relaxing on the beach together.  A few highlights:

• Hours in the car:  About 35.  If you know our family, you know that's waaaaay fewer than other years.  And while 35 hours in the car with 7 people might not sound appealing to many, I always enjoy the car time (granted I drive ZERO of those hours, sooooo).  On these long drives, we sing together with harmonies (both good and crazy), we laugh till we cry, and we also have good and meaningful conversations.  While a plane ride might be more efficient, I'm glad we have all those hours together in the car.
• Wildlife seen:  As I said above, this trip was very different from our other trips, especially in the area of wildlife!  While we're used to seeing bears and eagles and buffalo, this year we saw enormous orb spiders (one of which was at almost eye-level with my son on a hike!!), skinks and lizards, a snapping turtle, dolphins, and alligators!  We had alligator sightings several times, but this picture shows one just across the pond from where we were staying.  He slithered up on the bank during a rainstorm, and after about 10 minutes, he just slid right back into the pond.  The kids were glad we got to see one, and I was very glad he was at a slight distance!

• National Parks and Monuments:  Congaree NP and Ft. Sumter and Ft. Moultrie.  At Congaree National Park we took a short 2-mile loop through the swamp lands, which is where we saw the giant man-eating orb spiders.  It was 1000 degrees as we walked on the boardwalk, reading the informational signs, but also sweeping left and right, up and down, lest we walk into a spider or encounter an alligator in all the standing swampy water right next to us.  Ft. Sumter and Ft. Moultrie were both fascinating and sobering visits as we pondered all those who had sacrificed so much.
• Heat Index: 105+ Our first several days of vacation were spent in the National Park/Forts, and sightseeing in Charleston and Savannah. And oh. my. word.  It was HOT.  I am not a fan of the hot, (or the cold for that matter - I often tell the kids that I am a delicate flower).  We walked around the cities, slathered in sunscreen and wilting and sweating within seconds of being outside.  Charleston and Savannah were so beautiful - we all loved the history and architecture and beauty of the towns, but I gotta say, it might be better to see all these things when you didn't feel like you were going to die of heat exhaustion.
• Jewelry lost/found.  Three pieces.  On the "hike" at Congaree, my son quickly brushed away a bug at his face and broke his crucifix, causing it to fall through the boards to the muck below the boardwalk.  My husband, ever ready to do whatever job must be done, got on his hands and knees next to the boardwalk (thankfully there was no water at this spot) and put his hand under the boardwalk while my son shined his flashlight through the slats.  Do you recall all the creatures that were at this National Park? I couldn't have done it!  The second piece was another crucifix, misplaced as we were about to pull out of our hotel in Charleston.  After several minutes of searching the hotel and car, it was found in the owner's backpack.  And finally, a gold hoop earring, lost at Ft. Sumter or on the ferry ride over.  Unfortunately, this one has yet to turn up, though I still have hope maybe it's in the car somewhere.
• Theme Song:  God's Country by Blake Shelton.  Every year, a theme song emerges during our many hours of car time, and this year was a clear winner.  When my husband and I started dating, we only agreed on about one thing regarding music:  we both hated country.  This has stayed true all 27 years of marriage, and our kids have rarely if ever heard country music in our house.  But as they've gotten older, they occasionally like a country song that wanders onto our radio or Alexa, and this seems to be one of them.  So this year as we drove through "God's country", we could sing all about the devil going down to Georgia.  But he didn't stick around.
• Doggies left behind:  Dukers!  Since Duke is too crazy/naughty/strong, we didn't feel we could ask anyone to dogsit him, so we boarded him at the place we adopted him from.  They are a great organization and post pictures daily of their doggy daycare dogs and their boarders. Every day, one of us would remember to check their facebook page and we would often be rewarded with pictures of our naughty boy.  He appeared to be living his best doggy life, swimming in the baby pool and running around like a maniac with the other puppers.  We picked him up yesterday and I can't tell if he's glad to be home or if he misses his newly made pals.  Either way, he's resumed his naughty ways at home. 

• Time in the water:  So much!!  During our time at the coast, we fell into a rhythm - eat lunch, then go to the beach for a few hours, then head to the pool before a (very!) late dinner.  The ocean was ridiculously warm and we all loved playing in the surf.  We played spike ball every day, read books, drank beach drinks, and took walks.  At the pool we built triple stack shoulder sits and practiced our handstands and underwater tricks.  I tried valiantly to get someone to make a synchronized swimming routine with me, to no avail.  Our trips don't often include so much time in the water and while we're all still a little sunkissed/peeling, I think its safe to say that we all loved so many days at the beach and pool!

As the kids get older, we are seeing them treasure these trips more and more.  I think they all realize how precious our time together is as they are all leaving the nest in various ways.  I am so incredibly grateful that all the older kids still want to take an adventure with their family - I know that the days are numbered when we'll all be able to take these trips together.  We saw some beautiful sights, we relaxed, we ate well, and we laughed so much.  As usual for me, it doesn't really matter where we travel to - the best part of any trip is the togetherness.  I'm so thankful for the time we get to spend as a family on these adventures. 

25 years and counting!

This past Sunday marked the celebration of the 25th anniversary of my husband's ordination. The love that was poured out on him and our entire family was unbelievable.  From the moving service to the beautiful luncheon, the whole day was just overwhelming.  So many people worked so hard to show my husband how much he was loved, and it absolutely blew me away.  What a gift we have been given in this place.

A couple of the kids and I spoke at the luncheon, and below is what I said (give or take :).  Perhaps I'll share more of my thoughts about the day later, but for now, here is my general feeling this week:  I want to hug every member of our church that I see and tell them I love them.  I will try to refrain from doing that, so as not to humiliate my children, but that's where I'm at.  God's people are so good and we are so very thankful. 

My words from the luncheon:

I want to start off by saying that I'm not the public speaker in the family.  I prefer writing or talking to a classroom of little people.  But I couldn't let today pass without putting my fear aside and taking just a moment to share my heart a bit.  

First, I want to thank my husband.  I can't imagine being married to a more generous, loving, thoughtful, and hardworking man.  It has been a joy to walk alongside you these 27 years of marriage, with 25 of those years at Trinity.  I am in constant awe of your ability to suss out what's important and to truly focus on those things.  Despite what is generally known as a demanding vocation, you have never made me or our kids feel second best to the church; you have always prioritized our family and managed to balance everything so very well.  You never waver in doing the right thing, even when it's tiring or comes with a cost.  You always point the kids and me to Christ, and never stop challenging all of us to look to Him in every decision we make. I am incredibly grateful God chose me to be your wife, and I look forward to our future together in the next many years of your ministry.  I love you.

Second, I want to thank you, the people of Trinity.  When we came here, almost 25 years ago to the day, we were welcomed with open arms, and that has never changed in all these years.  My friends and family know that in my teen years, I always wanted to marry a pastor, but I had no real idea what ministry would be like as a pastor's wife.  I had heard all the scary stories - you won't be able to have any friends!  The church will work your husband day and night! You'll never be able to put down roots anywhere!  - but I didn't really believe it would be that way, and Trinity has certainly proven to be a wonderful place - the absolute opposite of all those dire warnings I had been given.  Over all these years and through God's grace, I have watched my husband share your joys and sorrows. I have watched him love you and care for you with all his heart.  And I have no doubt in my mind that he was able to do that because you loved us.  You have rejoiced with our family and you have cried with our family and in so doing, you have become our family. 

So today is a day we are celebrating 25 years that God has used your pastor to further His kingdom, and as his wife, I celebrate that too - I'm so blessed by his heart and the person he is.  But I also see today as a day to celebrate 25 years of Trinity as a family - a family who continues to pour out grace and generosity to all those in her midst.  You are Christ's hands and feet and we are so thankful for you - we love you so much.

Send Off!

 In just a few days, my middle son will be graduating from high school.  It still feels surreal to me, that this giant man-boy will soon be done with his high school career, and also with his time at home.  This is his last week of driving to school with his brother, of morning "circle up" prayer with all of us before school. . .the last week of everything we've ever known with this boy.  

And ohhhhh - my heart is aching a bit.  I've launched two kids already, who are thriving and of whom we're so proud.  And I have absolutely no doubt that this sweet and loving boy will have just the same story.  He continues to amaze me with his strength, his empathy, and his generosity.  He loves Jesus fiercely and that relationship is going to deepen through the pastoral leadership program he was accepted into in college.  He wants to become a nurse and care for others the way he has been cared for by countless nurses over his lifetime, and I know he'll provide compassionate care for his patients. 

So yep.  In short, I really love this boy and I'm gonna miss him like crazy.  But as we close out his senior year and send him off in a few months, I know he's prepared. I know he isn't alone.

This morning at worship, we had a send off for the seniors in our congregation. The seniors and their parents were called up and our pastor prayed for their futures - that they would listen to God's calling in their lives and walk with Him as they move on from this place.  After the prayer, my husband and I traced the sign of the cross over his eyes, ears, mouth, heart, hands, and feet as we prayed for him.  We prayed for his heart, that he may always know his Savior; his hands, that God may be glorified in the work they do; and his mouth that God's praises may always be spoken. We have done this same blessing for all of our kids when they were preparing for confirmation, and I was immediately taken back to the time we had done this very thing for this son. I remember being choked up then, and I was quite emotional today too.  

He was 11 the first time we gave him these blessings, and I wrote a bit about this rite in this post.  This is what I wrote then:

Last Sunday we were able to participate in a confirmation rite with our 11-year-old.  During the rite, we made the sign of the cross on his ears, his eyes, his mouth, his shoulders, his heart, his hands, and his feet.  At the beginning of the rite, our son was smiling a bit and feeling self-conscious.  But somewhere around his heart, I started to get choked up (which surprised me at the time, but of course is not surprising whatsoever).  As my husband's and my hands traced the cross on his heart, my mind flashed back to his body in the NICU, hooked up to machines keeping him alive.  It's hard to reconcile those early memories with the strapping, healthy boy he is today.  Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

These prayers take on new meaning now as we prepare to send him off.  And while it's so hard to imagine our daily life without him in it, I know he's ready.   I know he's not alone.  I know God will be walking before him, beside him, behind him, hemming him in.  We will continue to pray that all he does will be to the glory of God, just as we always have.  

He's come a long way, and we know God's plans for him are still unfolding.  We can't wait to see how God uses him to serve others!