I spent several hours yesterday and today driving to visit one of my college boys. I haven’t seen him, our third and middle child, in about a month since we moved him into his college dorm. As I told several people the day that we dropped him off, leaving your third child for his first year of college is no easier than leaving your first or second child. It still hurts quite a bit as you drive away, leaving a piece of yourself behind. I have missed this boy during these last several weeks, like his siblings before him. But, I am doing better than I thought I might, which is largely in part because I am so confident and excited about the place he is in. He has been adjusting himself and doing so well with it. Knowing he is doing fine soothes the ache in my heart just a little bit.
While I have visited my college children many times, going to visit this child in particular hits a little different, as my kids would say. Our third child, whom we used to affectionately call our monkey in the middle, goes to school in the same city where he spent the first seven weeks of his life, in the NICU of the Children’s Hospital there. And after those seven weeks in the hospital, my husband and I made countless trips back for appointments, hospital stays, surgeries, and checkups. For the bulk of the three hours it takes to get to my son's college, the drive is exactly the same as it was to take him to his children’s hospital; in fact, we pass one of the hospital locations that we frequently visited over the years. As I drove all of those miles yesterday and today to hug my giant son, I couldn’t help but ponder all of the drives we had made in years past. He was a much smaller but no less precious son. Sometimes, those drives were exciting, and sometimes, they were filled with anxiousness or fear, both on our part and our son's. How different it is to drive that highway this time, knowing that I got to see my boy when I arrived.
Many of those trips to the hospital were exciting ones for my son. Even though he has had 15 or so surgeries, he typically approached every one with excitement – he loved staying in the hospital. And while we knew that each overnight stay might be a challenge for him, we were incredibly grateful for his spirit and sense of thrill as the visit approached with every passing mile. He loved the hospital! He loved the food, the nurses, the one-on-one attention from mom and dad, the Child Life specialist, the therapy dog that might come to visit… the list goes on. Even though my husband and I might have felt a little worried about a surgery now and then, our son's peace and anticipation made it so much easier for us.
Our son is studying to be a nurse at this university in the town of his children’s hospital. He wants to work in the pediatric wing of a hospital when he graduates. He is wonderful with children and so very much wants to be for them what so many nurses were for him for so many years: a source of joy, safety, cheer, and comfort. I was texting with my son the other day and told him how vividly I could picture him in this vocation. Typically, while I hope and pray for many things in the future (weddings, grandchildren, vacations, and the like), I often can’t quite picture them very vividly. But for some reason, I have such an incredibly clear vision in my head of my son, confidentially entering a child’s hospital room, big and strong, dressed in scrubs, and with a beautiful and warm smile on his face. I can see the child in the bed, perhaps anxious or sad, and I can see my son, who knows just how that child might be feeling, introducing himself and setting the child’s fragile heart at ease. And it brings me such incredible joy.
While we were hanging out today, we decided to go to the hospital and walk around. Oh, the memories! We swapped stories and finished each other's sentences as we walked those incredibly familiar halls. So many of those visits were scary and worrisome, but overarchingly, our memories are so good of all his time there.
As I drove all of those miles and walked those halls and pondered all he has experienced over his 19 years, I thanked God. I thanked Him for giving us this child, for providing for him so richly through all of his challenges, and even more, helping him grow so much through them. And I also thank God for his heart now, for his desire to give back and to reach out to help others in this specific way.
Only God knows the future for our son, just as he always has. In those early days, oh, how we prayed for God to give us faith and show us the way, just as he had given Abraham with his son. Never in our wildest dreams could we have envisioned how God would provide for him. As usual, God’s dreams and plans are far better than mine. So, while I have this vision of our boy ministering to the needs of those in the hospital, only God knows how he will use him in the future. And I can’t wait to find out what that will look like.
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