Snapshots of the Past

As in days of old when families gathered around their radios, every December my kids like to gather around the computer and watch old video clips of them from Christmas mornings past.  They laugh and cheer and call to each other, while remembering gifts they received and how cute their siblings were when they were toddlers.  I love listening to them and catching glimpses of their sweet little-child faces on the screen.

This year, due to a conversion of our old camcorder tapes and an Amazon fire stick, we were able to watch videos on our TV from 1999 onward.  It has been wonderful - a true gift to see those little people I remember from years ago. . .the little ones who slowly morphed into the big kids and young adults I live with now.  I didn't realize it was happening at the time, but looking back, what a joy it is to see those precious faces and hear their darling little voices.  Among the clips we found:

• One of the boys falling asleep in his food at Fudruckers while on vacation.  His head kept bobbing, he kept smiling and drifting. . .until he finally gave up and fell asleep. 
• A sweet three year old boy singing the Transformer theme song - with amazing accuracy and an adorable voice.
• Countless Christmas enter-the-room-and-see-the-stockings-and-presents clips.  The expressions of excitement and joy on their little faces makes my heart sing.
• New babies being brought home and siblings welcoming them - with songs and overtures of love.
• Videos of family members who have passed away. . .clips of three of our grandmothers.  Oh - how lovely to see their expressions and hear their voices.  Such a gift.
• Countless birthday cakes and songs and candles blown out - each year passing more quickly than can be imagined.
• Dances (including a certain four year old dancing on the table for his birthday) and music videos that some of the kids can barely bring themselves to watch.
• My eldest daughter at age 3 recounting (with amazing accuracy) the ENTIRE Christmas story, while directing my husband and her imaginary friend to play all the parts with her. 

More than once I was moved to tears as I took in all the faces, voices and details of the past.  How precious are these memories of so many dear people.  Time passes so quickly we can scarcely see the changes as they occur.  What a gift to have these memories!S

The Week(ish) in Pictures, Holiday Edition

The last few weeks, in picture form:

Twinsies!

  Someone snapped this picture while my daughter and I were working on Thanksgiving dinner and it made me so happy.  Love this girl, and love that we wore the same outfit and same pony! (I don't know how she felt about twinning with dear old mom, but I loved it!)

My youngest daughter's Elf on the Shelf winter scene creation

 She loves the Elf on the Shelf, like her older brother before her, and she had such fun creating this scene for Hedgy (the Elf), and Blair and Claire (the reindeer).  I love her imagination!  And you'll be pleased to know that our dear naughty doggie only ingested some of the cotton balls from the scene. 

Cheesy Christmas Movie Graphic!

We don't have the Hallmark channel, but my youngest and I have watched a couple of Prime/Hulu/Netflix equivalents and I can report that this plot generator is spot on.  And while I generally prefer Law and Order SVU while wrapping Christmas presents, I have to say that, while very predictable and cheesy, the few movies we watched were pretty sweet.  And bonus - the ones we saw were completely appropriate for my ten-year-old's eyes and ears!  Since that's hard to come by anymore, I say three cheers for fluffy Christmas movies!

Monochromatic Christmas decor!

I needed to update my Christmas decor (I was informed of this by my teenage daughter), so off I went to Hobby Lobby, the best store on the planet.  Hours later, I emerged with several Christmas gifts and a few new decorations, all for a song!  This little corner cabinet makes me happy with its gray and white decor, and nod to a favorite Christmas hymn. 

The Best Gift

All five of our kids made this project in preschool (some of them made it more than one year, hence the nine you see - I don't have four other children I haven't ever mentioned). And every year, we hang them up somewhere and they bring me Great Joy.  I love that from a young age, they were being taught at school and at home that Jesus is the best gift they'll ever receive.  I am now in my sixth year of teaching preschool, and I continue to do this project with my preschoolers.  As I work on it with each child, I love reminding them that no matter what gifts they'll get on Christmas, nothing is more important than the gift Jesus gives them - the gift of Himself. 

#SibsForLife!

This summer, while we were on vacation, we were celebrating our middle son's 15th birthday.  We were sitting around the dinner table, and everyone was laughing. 

However, my husband and I had no idea what was going on.

Yep - the kids were all laughing about their shared childhood memories.  Moments, events, experiences, toys, movies. . .memories my husband and I weren't directly involved in.  At one point, while they reminisced about some crazy video they had watched in their younger years, I looked over at my husband and gave him the "who knows" gesture, with a wide smile and laughter.

I had virtually no memory of what they were talking about, and I was loving every moment of the scene.

True, dear old dad and I were out of the loop, but that didn't matter.  What was so beautiful to me was their shared bond.  Independently of their parents, their shared experiences of living in our crazy house brought them joy.  The things they remember fondly brings me such happiness. 

When we are old and gray (which is actually today, I'm sorry to report), our kids will have each other.  No one else but their siblings will quite understand their unique childhood experience.  They will have each for support, for laughter, for family.  More times than I can count, I have reminded my children that their siblings will be the longest relationships they will ever have.  No one will know them as long and as well as their siblings do.  And that's a beautiful gift.

Earlier today, I thought of a phrase as I was doing the dishes and it reminded me of a quote from a movie my sister and I adored when we were teenagers.  I stopped what I was doing, grabbed my phone, and texted the quote to her.  A bit later, she responded with another quote from the same movie, and we went back and forth, entertaining ourselves with our shared memories.  I was laughing with each text that came back, and it was great.  Outside of my parents, my sister has known me longer than anyone else, and there's great comfort and peace in that. 

Brother and sisters!  What a blessing they are.

I Can Only Imagine

After worship this morning, I got in the car (after refereeing a minor scuffle about who got the front seat), and as we left the parking lot, said several things along these lines:

"Wasn't worship amazing?  The music - amazing!  Dad's homily - amazing!  Imagining heaven - amazing!  All the confirmations - amazing!"

The kids agreed that it had been a great morning.  And this afternoon, as we raked the many millions of leaves, I pondered it.

The homily talked about the resurrection of the body, and what heaven will be like.  At the end, my husband asked everyone to close their eyes and imagine all the things, moments, people that bring us immense joy.  And then he said to multiply it by infinity. . .and perfection.  And that is what heaven will be like.  My friends, I was teary as I thought of all the people I love, the scenery that speaks to me, the music that heaven will surely be filled with.  My eyes filled up at the love the Father has for us -- to send His Son to save us from our sinful selves, and then to give us such beauty when we live with Him in eternity!  What a generous God He is!

As I pondered all this this afternoon, while raking the endless leaves, the homily reminded me of something I had written a couple of years ago.  You can read it below (or linked here) -- it's all about how God fills our lives with our favorite things.  The list I had compiled in the blogpost included so many of the things I was thinking of while imaging heaven.  If God gifts me with so many beautiful things here on earth, imagine heaven!  In heaven we will be flooded with our greatest joys and best of all we will be in God's holy presence.  I can only imagine!


Raindrops On Roses and Clean, Crisp Sheets       March 19, 2018

Many of you might know that I attended the Theology of the Body Institute's first course last week.  It was equal parts moving, soul-searching, informative, heart-rending and faith-strengthening.  It was an experience I won't ever forget.  I look forward to the days and weeks to come as I unpackage all my materials and notes.

One of the things our instructor said early on in the week was about a song from my all-time favorite musical.  Yep - you guessed it - Jesus Christ Superstar!  Haha - just kidding.  If you know me at all, you know it is The Sound of Music.  His children had recently performed in the musical, and many themes from it were fresh in his mind.  And at the top of his list was the song "My Favorite Things".  He began singing a few bars and asked us to join in if we knew the words (ummm. . .I know the words).  Maria sings the song to remind herself and the children to think of their favorite things when they are afraid (or when the dog bites or the bee stings).

Our instructor took this song a step further, and reminded us that God knows all our favorite things.  He knows our favorite things sometimes before we know them.  And even better, God sings the song of our favorite things to us all the time.  Our lives are filled with the music of God singing to us those things which move us and shape us and bring us joy.  That admiration of the majestic mountains?  God singing to us.  Overcome with the vast beauty of the ocean?  God singing to us.  A bunny hopping across the neighbor's yard while on a walk?  God singing to us - what?  Does he only sing that verse to me?  Surely I'm not alone in that one.

The thought of God knowing me. . .little me, in an enormous universe. . .and caring to put in front of me all of my favorite things truly brought tears to my eyes.  Here I am, living my (small) life, and the God of the universe is loving me enough to give me joy.  He knows my heart and chooses to love me anyway.  His love and forgiveness are vast.

So - here are a few of my favorite things.  What joy I derive in them!  And what joy to know that God knows even more of my favorite things, and has plans to reveal them to me in the future.

My children's faces
Bunnies hopping across the yard in spring
Clean, crisp sheets
Sweet romance movies (think Anne of Green Gables)
Peanut butter in all manner of preparation
Worshiping with my church family
My home
Laughing with my children
Potato Chips
My sweet students
Taking a walk with my husband
Singing beautiful choral music
80s music
Musicals
A good book
Coke Zero
The ocean and Lake Michigan
Shadow's euphoria at my arrival home
Big family celebrations

Oh dear reader. . .the list could go on and on -- and I don't even know everything that goes on this list!  But God does.  He knows my heart and loves me so much that He sings this song to me every day.

What is God singing to you, my friends?

Sinner? Saint?

Recently, in confirmation class with my daughter, our pastor asked everyone a series of questions.  If the statement was true, we were to stand. If it was false, we needed to sit down.  There were serious questions and silly ones, and people were standing up and sitting down depending on their opinions. Then came this question:  Are you a sinner?  Everyone, of course, scrambled to stand up, knowing they were confident in this answer - we seem to mess up all the livelong day.  We all kind of laughed as we stood there, in agreement that we all were sinners.  While we were all standing, the pastor asked the next question:  Are you a saint?

And almost everyone sat right on back down.  A few people remained standing, but it was a small handful in comparison to the confidence everyone had in their sinfulness.  

Though I was raised Lutheran, it wasn't until college that I recall really hearing about the concept of being simultaneously sinner and saint.  I remember being quite intrigued with the idea.  I certainly knew I was a sinner, but a saint?  Hardly!  

But Luther defines a saint as a forgiven sinner, one who the Father sees though the grace of His Son.  As we celebrate All Saints Day today, one of my absolute favorite days in the church year, we think of those saints who have gone before us, those people who died in the faith and whose rest is won. I think we sometimes romanticize those faithful departed loved ones and those bestowed with the title "saint".  We might often forget that they were people like us -- who struggled, grieved and were tempted in many of the same ways we are.  They were sinners, and simultaneously saints here on earth!

As we think of those saints who have gone before us, may that give us such hope!  They are such an inspiration to us!  Last year on All Saints Day, I wrote the post below.  I hope you take a moment to read the words of the hymn at the end and ponder the lives of those who went before us, and also the great joy that is to be ours as well.  

Sinner?  Yes.  Saint?  Yes, thanks be to God! 

Blogpost from Nov. 1, 2018:

Today is one of my absolute favorite days in the church year.

All Saints' Day. Every November 1st, we get to celebrate those saints -- those who died in Christ -- who went before us.

And when I sing (pray, meditate on) the words of this hymn below, I am almost always reduced to tears. What an example the saints are! They lived their lives -- not perfectly, not without sin -- but they lived their lives with Christ at the center and forefront. They lived their lives fully for Christ. Every Sunday, as we commune, we are united with the saints who have gone before us. Every Sunday, heaven and earth meet as we share Christ's body and blood with those at worship with us, all Christians on earth, and with those saints who are living with Christ in heaven. How beautiful!


Take a moment to read the words below and think about the saints who struggled as we do, who fought here are earth, who never lost sight of Jesus. Those who died in Christ have won! They are brave again, their arms strong. These faithful warriors have been given rest in heaven with Christ. What comfort this gives us! Those who have gone before us -- both "famous" saints who inspire us with their lives of bold faith as well as those quiet saints who lived among us. . . friends, family members. They are in paradise with their Savior!


My dear friends, I have tears streaming as I ponder these words, because they are written for us too! Someday, as our warfare has run long, and our fight has been fierce, a distant triumph song will be in our ears too. And soon, soon to us - His faithful warriors, will come rest. Eternal rest in Christ.


Alleluia, Alleluia!


"For All the Saints Who from Their Labors Rest"
by William W. How, 1823-1897 

1. For all the saints who from their labors rest,
Who Thee by faith before the world confess,
Thy name, O Jesus, be forever blest,
Alleluia! Alleluia!

2. Thou wast their Rock, their Fortress, and their Might;
Thou, Lord, their Captain in the well-fought fight;
Thou, in the darkness drear, their one true Light.
Alleluia! Alleluia!

3. Oh, may Thy soldiers, faithful, true and bold,
Fight as the saints who nobly fought of old
And win with them the victor's crown of gold.
Alleluia! Alleluia!

4. O blest communion, fellowship divine,
We feebly struggle, they in glory shine;
Yet all are one in Thee, for all are Thine.
Alleluia! Alleluia!

5. And when the fight is fierce, the warfare long,
Steals on the ear the distant triumph song,
And hearts are brave again, and arms are strong.
Alleluia! Alleluia!

6. But, lo, there breaks a yet more glorious day;
The saints triumphant rise in bright array;
The King of Glory passes on His way.
Alleluia! Alleluia!

7. From earth's wide bounds, from ocean's farthest coast,
Through gates of pearl streams in the countless host,
Singing to Father, Son, and Holy Ghost,
Alleluia! Alleluia!

8. The golden evening brightens in the west;
Soon, soon, to faithful warriors cometh rest.
Sweet is the calm of Paradise the blest.
Alleluia! Alleluia!

Look Ma, No Car Seat!

In March of 2000, we entered a new stage of life.  We entered the Car Seat stage.  We buckled our sweet new baby girl into her rear-facing infant seat in our 1999 Grand Am and drove her three blocks home from the hospital.

And for the last 19 years, we've been a Car Seat Family.  Yes, we've had rear-facing, convertible, high backed boosters and low boosters in both of our cars.  Our parents had boosters in their cars.  We made driving choices based on which cars had the correct car seats installed, because changing the car seat was an activity to be avoided at all costs (you can read about that here).  We were used to finding crusty french fries in car seat crevices and muttering under our breath about twisted car seat straps.  We were experts at wrestling unruly children into their five-point, often maneuvering around bulky coats (kids were allowed to wear coats in car seats back then!).  More often than we wished, we had to disassemble a seat due to vomit, poop explosions or spilled food.

A few years ago, we removed our final five-point harness car seat (you can read about that here).  And of course, because this is me, I was a bit nostalgic about it.  The end of an era!  But we still had the trusty booster, so don't worry, world!  We still had little kids!

But late this summer, we truly moved on.  We are no longer a Car Seat Family.  Our youngest moved out of her booster (and she was the last of her friends to do so, to hear her tell it!!), and we now no longer have any boosters in any of our cars.  And while the freedom of being able to put any kid in any car at any time is amazing, and something I only dreamed of 15 years ago, it's a little sad too. Having big kids is fabulous - I love it!  But having little kids is also awesome, and the passing of the car seat only reinforces that we are rapidly moving out of that phase of life.

BUT - a girl can have hope.  Someday, all these children will give me grandchildren (hear that, kids?), and I will proudly put a car seat or two into our cars so we can be ready to transport anyone, anywhere, anytime.

Lutheran School Round Up!

A little while ago, I shared a blogpost written by a friend of mine (who was almost my student 20 plus years ago - I missed teaching her by one year!).  She is a Lutheran educator now, and was writing about the benefit of a Lutheran education for her children, and the children in her community.  My husband and I also strongly believe in Lutheran education (after all, we both received our degrees in that very thing!) and the impact they make on not only the children enrolled, but also their families. 

Just after reading her blogpost, I came across a list complied by Lutheran teachers. The answers listed everything the teachers loved about being a Lutheran teacher.  Below, a few of the reasons these teachers love their jobs:

• Sharing Jesus with their students, in every subject, in every aspect of their days
• Praying with their students, for their students, and with their colleagues
• Relationships!  With families, students and church members
• Watching their students witnessing to others and having their own faith strengthened
• Smaller class sizes and more personalized instruction
• Giving the students blessings - at the beginning and end of the school year, and daily as well
• Introducing a student to Jesus for the first time
• Teaching the children of former students
• Witnessing student baptisms
• Being "Jesus with skin on"
• The privilege to shape all parts of the child: physical, emotional, spiritual, intellectual
• Sharing Jesus with their students, all day, every day

As I read the list, almost every other answer was the one I listed first and last - the privilege to share Jesus with their students all day long.  Overwhelmingly, the Lutheran school teachers were overjoyed to be able to pray with their students and to infuse Jesus into every aspect of their days.  

Christian schools (like all schools, Christian or otherwise) are not without struggle.  But at the core of every Lutheran school is the deep desire to share Christ with their students.  We are grateful to belong to a church that strongly supports a Lutheran school, and that church and school has become our family.  The teachers at our school have prayed for, rejoiced with, cried with and laughed with our family over the years.  And these teachers have reinforced daily, hourly, the faith we are teaching our children at home.  Praise God for Lutheran Schools!

Little Kids, Big Kids

18 years ago on September 21, I gave birth to our second child, a boy!  It was just 10 days past the September 11 attacks and the nation had been prominent in our thoughts.  But on September 21st, our thoughts were all about our sweet baby boy and our new family of four.

Fast forward 18 years, and our thoughts are still all about our son (and his brothers and sisters).  Family is the biggest blessing we've been given and sometimes I'm overwhelmed by God's gracious outpouring of gifts to us. With these children we've been gifted, however, comes great responsibility.  It is our sacred task to raise up these children to be godly men and women; to first and foremost love their Savior, knowing everything else will flow from that relationship.

When our oldest kids were little, a dear friend said something to me.  I don't remember the context - perhaps she was lamenting something her (slightly older) children were doing or maybe it was just in response to something I was concerned about with my own children.  She said, "Little kids, little problems.  Big kids, big problems."  As a mom with little kids who had what felt like Super Big Problems sometimes, I was not a fan of this adage.  I got the point -- that the bigger the kids were, the more far-reaching and concerning their issues could be.  But still.  I felt like my problems were plenty large and challenging in the moment.

And I still believe that, as I know my friend did too -- when you have little ones underfoot all the live long day, the struggle is real, and the worries are big.  But as the kids have grown up (I am now the parent of TWO adults!  What on earth!), I definitely resonate with what she said.  While so far, praise God, we haven't had any significant issues with our kids, their problems, struggles, challenges and concerns are bigger.  They are thinking about their future, their possible spouses, their higher education and also stretching and growing in their faith.  And that often causes a lot of angst and questioning.

As I've said before, parenting isn't for wienies.  It's not for the faint of heart.  It's full of second-guessing and late night conversations and night after night on our knees in prayer for our kids.  We're in the thick of it still.  Had someone told us (and people probably did!) how parenting would pull at our heart strings, we wouldn't have had any idea how challenging it would be.  But we also wouldn't have had any idea how beautiful, rewarding and fulfilling it would have been either.

I guess it comes down to what stage you're in in life.  When you have little kids, everything feels monumental. And it is!  Training little people up to be kind and compassionate children is a Big Deal.  And when you have big kids, everything feels monumental.  And it is! Shaping and guiding tweens, teenagers and young adults into contributing members of society takes a lot of patience and stick-to-itiveness (Merriam Webster backed me up that that's a read word!) and it's a Big Deal. 

Each parenting stage, from infancy to teens to young adults and beyond is a weighty task.  What a blessing to know that no matter the size of our problems, God is bigger and He will never leave us to handle them on our own.

Regardless of whether or not they're little kid problems or big kid problems.

Bits and Pieces #23

• My freshman son has been playing tennis at his new high school.  Back in middle school, I played tennis with a local team and I loved it, so I was thrilled when he joined the team.  We've watched several matches now, and our son is doing well, learning this brand new game.  But, I have to say I have run into a little snag with the whole tennis parent thing.  It seems that tennis is a quiet sport.  As in, very little cheering, noise-making etc.  Hhmmm.  In general for my family, that is the antithesis of who we are.  If tennis is the Quiet Sport, then we are the Loud Family.  However, I can't say that my family has struggled with being quiet while watching their brother/son, but I have!  I want to cheer for him!  I want to say good job, rally back, nice serve!  I am trying to quietly cheer for my boy from the sidelines, and I feel I deserve some sort of award. I'm not sure my son agrees, though, because at Thursday's match, he quietly told me to ssshhh when he walked to the fence to retrieve a ball.  I'm doing my best, son, I'm doing my best.
• Preschool and my mommy and me class are off to a good start!  I am loving my new little preschoolers -- getting to know their personalities, teaching them new songs and concepts, and most of all telling them about Jesus!  On the very first day of school, my class of 3/4 year olds went to chapel.  For the entire year, we will go to chapel at 9:00 on Wednesdays, and the first day was no exception.  So -- imagine the scene.  I am receiving 15 children into my room for their first day of school at 8:00.  For some of these little ones, this is their very first time at school and away from mom and dad.  So there is always a little crying and adjusting those first days.  But this year wasn't too bad in the homesick department, so we soon readied ourselves for the long walk to the church for chapel.  The students did well walking in the new concept of a line, and did well as we entered sanctuary.  I had been telling them down the hallway as we walked that we would be quiet in church, listening to the teacher talk to us about Jesus, our Savior who loves us very much.  As we entered the church and started sitting down, I also told the children we would be singing lots of songs while we were at chapel.  One of my sweet little ones very earnestly looked up at me and said "We could sing Old Town Road at chapel!"  It was so sweet, and the song is full of fond memories for me from our summer vacation, but I had to tell him that we would be singing some different songs instead.  😀
• Last weekend my husband and I went away to northern Michigan.  We lounged on the beach, we ate at grown up restaurants, we finished our sentences, we read books (I read FOUR books!), we slept in, and we just enjoyed each other's company.  Our parents generously stayed with the kids and carted them to and fro, took them out to dinner and movies and mini golf and kept the house afloat while we were gone.  We came back refreshed and ready to tackle the fall.  So thankful for my husband, and that he always insists we take a little time away together.  I would too easily get bogged down thinking we absolutely couldn't be away from the kids, but he wisely knows us going away for a few days is good for us and the kids.  And it was!
• We took our (sophomore!) girl to college about three weeks ago.  It was a little hard to leave her (though nothing like last year!), but I know she's happy and right where she should be.  We got her all settled in with her roommate and it was great to see her excited to see all her friends.  She's got a heavy load this semester, but she's up to the challenge.  I'm so very proud of her and I can't wait to see the year unfold for her!  (And also I'm excited to see her in a few weeks!)

The Week in Pictures

It's been a rough week this week.  Perhaps I'll write more about that later, but for now, some lighter topics:  Super Great Deals from Target, my classroom plans, new words, and my rude behavior.  See below.

Charcuterie!  Quite awhile ago, a friend of mine casually called her lovely meat/cheese/veggie tray a charcuterie tray.  I had never heard the word before and found it glorious.  Like an excited child, I asked her to explain, and my love for charcuterie was born.  Here's my latest attempt.  I cannot tell you how happy looking at it made me.  I can't help myself.

Polka Dot fabric!  I am making a thematic dramatic play center for my classroom.  I bought the base, my dad is going to make the top part, and my mom is going to make curtains.  I am so excited to see it finished and then see all the little ones playing grocery store and apple orchard and pizzeria! 

A preschooler's work is play!

Target deaaalsss for daaaays!!  Brace yourself, dear reader - if saving money isn't your jam, skip this part.  (But if it's not, how are we even friends??) Years ago, I used to play the coupon game - before I worked and when I had more time and less to do.  It's been too hard the last several years, but yesterday at Target the stars aligned and I made some great deals!  I have four males in this house who need deodorant, so all that Axe will be gone in a split second, and gel pens make me so happy!  The 8 cans of Axe should have been $35, and I paid just $12!  The gel pens were regularly $21 and I paid $10.  Woohoo!!  We'll be smelling good and writing beautifully for awhile!!

My friends.  Confession time.  Last Sunday after church I was exiting my pew, talking to my child in front of me and trying to keep the children behind me moving.  I felt a hand on my arm, trying to get my attention.  I shrugged the hand off, thinking it was the child behind me, interrupting me (like my children are prone to doing all the livelong day).  After a moment or two the child in front of me told me someone in the pew behind me was trying to get my attention.  Yep!  I had rudely shrugged off the hand of my dear friend and colleague, not my child.  She was understanding when I apologized, but sheesh!  Moral of the story:  apparently don't approach me at church when I am near my children, or I will treat you like one of my children.  But I promise not to remind you a hundred times to put your laundry away or ask if you need to go potty before we leave the house. Hopefully.

Four Teenagers in the Hoooouse!

Two years ago, I posted here about having three teenagers in our family, and in the blink of an eye, I now have four (for about 8 months, before my eldest turns twenty! Gracious).   My fourth child turned 13 last week, and his older brother turned 15 the month before, giving me a 19, 17, 15, and 13 year old under my roof (oh, and also a sweet little newly-minted 10 year old as well). :)   It seems pretty surreal that I am the mother of four teenagers, especially since I feel like I was one just a few years ago. This sounds like the stuff nightmares are made of (or at least scary books and blog posts).

BUT- so far so good.  The older three have eased me into teenageriness (spell check did NOT flag that word - who knew??) relatively gently, and overall, I’m loving the teen years.

A few of the joys of teenagers below:

• Laughter.  SO. Much. Laughter.  These kids crack me up on the daily.  I am in tears so often.  They’re funny, they’re goofy, they’re basically amateur comedians.  
• They’re helpful.  Well, sometimes.  And if they don’t always exactly offer to help, I know they’re capable of it and I assign them stuff to do. :) 
• Deep conversations.  I love the talks my teenagers and I have.  They have insights I don’t, and they’re really smart kids!  We can talk about faith, politics, academics, television, you name it.  They always wow me with their perspectives.
• Independence.  When I had a little people majority it was hard to imagine going to the bathroom alone, but here we are, in a world where that’s standard now.  I don’t have to cut anyone’s food or give anyone a bath anymore.  And while sometimes I miss those days, it’s also awesome to see them doing so much on their own (like getting jobs, and also cutting their own food.).  
• Watching their personalities really develop into young adults.  Seeing my kids blossom into young adults has been a joy.  They’re pretty great people, and I can see glimpses into what they will become. It’s so exciting to see them grow and stretch.
• Laughter.  Did I mention that?  Being a mom to teenagers is so fun.

My newest teenager is just embarking on all of the above, but already I am experiencing these things with him.  He certainly makes me laugh (the kid is hilarious!), and I am starting to see glimpses of many other aspects I listed above.  He is full of passion and zest for life, and watching him embrace his interests is a joy.  

I won’t have four teenagers for very long, so I’m soaking up these years with them.  I know it isn’t always unicorns and rainbows, but it’s pretty great so far.  And I’m pretty grateful. 

It's Good to Be Home, Church Style

It's good to be home. And by home, I mean back to our church.  This morning in worship I simply soaked it all in.  The people, the music, the sanctuary, the Eucharist, the familiarity.  It's wonderful to travel, but homecomings are so meaningful.

We always worship when we're on vacation, and this trip was no different.  The first weekend, as I blogged about in my post yesterday, my husband ended up leading worship. There were about 20 people there, seven of which were my family.  Late the evening before, my husband and I chose a few hymns, he looked up the daily readings and prepared a brief meditation, and we were blessed to worship in our campground instead of traveling a distance to another church.

The second Sunday we were in Grand Canyon National Park.  There are very few towns/people outside of the North Rim park, so going outside of the park for worship would have been difficult.  Thankfully, there were several options offered for worship inside the park, so we were grateful to attend a service in the lodge (at 8 am!).  It was a blessing to gather with those people, and in an auditorium with a view of the beautiful Grand Canyon!

But.  There is something about being home to worship.  With our (church) family, our friends, our dear ones.  And since we had been unable to commune at either place we attended on vacation, we were all eager to receive the Eucharist.

So today I soaked it in.  I let God's word, read and preached, enter my heart.  I let God's body and blood enter my body.  I praised God with familiar hymns and songs.  And I looked at the faces of those in our congregation with love.

It's good to be home.

Post Vacation Thoughts

We just got back late last night from our family vacation.  The laundry is piling up (and we don’t have a washing machine until our new one gets delivered on Monday!), the laundry room is going to painted today and tomorrow, the pop-up needs to be unloaded and cleaned out, and we have no food in the house.  But we had a wonderful time seeing the sights of the west and simply being together. A few highlights of our trip:

• Miles driven: just over 5,000, almost all of which were done by husband, as usual.  He’s a rockstar in the driving-on-vacation category. And in basically all other categories (see below for another prime example).
• States driven through/visited: 9, including one (New Mexico) that none of us had ever been in before.
• Animals seen:  bighorn sheep, lizards, coyote, marmot, eagle, peregrine falcon, deer, buffalo, and so many doggies that made us miss our Shadow puppy
• National Parks visited:  Zion, Bryce, Capitol Reef, Grand Canyon, Mesa Verde, and also Cedar Breaks National Monument
• Campgrounds: Four, including a Lutheran campground!  In Utah, we stayed in a campground that was founded by Lutherans 25 years ago.  We saw lots of Live Generously shirts and had a lot of Lutheranism in common with many of the campers.
• Impromptu church services led by my husband: one.  When we arrived at Lutherwood at dinner time on Saturday night, we inquired about where to attend church the next morning (we were in the middle of nowhere). We were told they didn’t have a pastor there that weekend. . .fast forward through the wonderful pulled pork dinner we happened into, and bam!  My husband was leading worship the next morning.
• Birthdays celebrated: one.  Our middle son turned 15 while we were at Lutherwood.  We celebrated by going to a fun aquatic center, hiking at a nearby canyon, having ice cream at an old-fashioned soda shop and shopping at Walmart! The campground had a full kitchen and grill there, so we were able to make his dinner request - burgers and loaded fries. We ate a whipped cream frosted cake (his choice - not his dad’s) and sat in the kitchen, laughing through dinner.  The kids all were laughing about vines and memes and stuff dear old mom and dad didn’t understand, and it was great. I loved listening to their shared hysteria. And at the close of the meal, we all shared what we loved most about our boy. It was a lovely evening.
• Person who received a burn: me!  As I was pulling out the French fries for the birthday dinner, I misjudged the size of the cookie sheet and burned my arm.  I have been nursing the wound for days. It looks terrible and I’m sure I will scar. I guess it wil be a permanent reminder of our vacation.
• Visits with friends/family:  four. On the way out, we stopped and stayed with two different friends from college, and on the way back we stayed with friends from the seminary, and also met up with my sister and her family on their vacay in Colorado. All four visits were wonderful and such a beautiful reminder of the joys of long-standing friendships.  We laughed and reminisced and caught up and it was fabulous. We were so thankful for our friends’ hospitality as well as the time spent with my sister and family.
• Nights half-slept in the car: one.  On our very first camping night, the winds were so strong in Capitol Reef that we were afraid to set up the camper.  The winds were forecasted to die down at about midnight, so we went into the tiny town at about 9:30 to a restaurant.  I stuck my head in to see if they were open, and the nice older man who owned the place assured me several times “we’ll tend ya”.  He was so kind and took us on, though he was about to close. We got back to the campsite and dozed in the car until about 12:15, when we oh-so-quietly set up the pop-up.
• Cliff dwellings visited: one. When we went to Mesa Verde, we toured one of the cliff dwellings - it was so fascinating!  The ingenuity of those people amazed me. We had to climb a 32 ft ladder to get to it, and then rock scramble up a cliff to get out. I announced to everyone that I would have never made it in that life, and everyone agreed. :(
• Camper crises:  Two. On the way out of our Lutheran campground, I happened to look out my side mirror and noticed the camper door flapping in the wind!  Thankfully nothing was lost or broken. And on our way home yesterday, we had a blowout on the camper on I 80 in Iowa. It was on the street side, so I stood about a hundred feet down from my husband to wave traffic to the left lane as he leaned down to change the tire.  I prayed continually - thanking God that it was daylight, not in the mountains, not raining, etc. I also thanked God time and again that my husband was so very capable and calm. The endeavor reminded me of our 20th anniversary (you can read about that here).
• Theme Song:  I’m very sorry to report that I can really choose no other song as our theme song for this trip but this one:  Old Town Road by Billy Ray Cyrus and Lil Nas X. This song has a few sketchy parts, but we just loudly sang the alternate lyrics that our son had sang in the talent show last month, and all was good.  Usually our vacation has an epic song that we play as we look at all of God’s creation, but this year, we all belted out how “can’t nobody tell me nothing”. And it was good.
• Catch phrases:  Every trip, we seem to have lots of phrases that stick and get repeated ad nauseum.  This year, I bring you fat-stupid, stanky leg, and the winner — Eat My Stank. The kids somehow remembered a show they used to watch (SlugTerra if you’re interested in sub-par television) and that line in particular was said more times that I can begin to count.  I’m not gonna lie, every time somebody dropped it with perfect comedic timing, I cracked up. We all laughed so hard at that ridiculous line, and it brought me Great Happiness.

My husband has an adventurous spirit, and because of that, our kids have seen a lot of the country.  We do it all on a shoestring in the camper, mostly eating at the campsite (but splurging sometimes on meals out!) and seeing God’s beautiful creation, which is generally free. I have been asked more than once (by strangers and friends), how we get our kids and teenagers to go on these trips.  The answer is - we don’t give them much of a choice (GASP!). We don’t ask the kids where they want to go on vacation (though we might give them some choices within a few options), and we don’t ask them if they want to come or not. We don’t provide for them amazing, expensive experiences, and we don’t get too anxious if they get bored now and then.  And as they get older, these weeks are even more precious. We have always valued family vacation over summer jobs, but as the kids enter college, we know that jobs and internships and summer classes may well interfere with vacation plans. More than once during this trip, my heart caught in my throat as I watched my entire family eating together, hiking together, driving together, worshiping together and laughing together.  We saw a lot of beautiful sights this trip, but by far, my favorite part of every single day was that we were all together.  Taking an adventure across the country binds our family together in a way I can’t really describe. It’s our seven against the world - no “regular  life” distractions - just family time.

Though we can cross five more national parks off our list (and we have one - on the back of a T shirt I bought my husband), that’s not what made this trip amazing.  God’s beautiful handiwork in our country is indeed worthy of praise, but the beauty I saw every day in my family’s faces, working and playing and laughing side by side, revealed even more deeply God’s gifts to us.

The Week(ish) in Pictures

This is me, after my sister laboriously waved allllll my hair.  The end result was an enormous lot of red hair, but I kinda liked it!  I texted a few pics to my teenage daughter, who was less enthused.  It reminded my husband of how I looked when we first started dating - the 90s version of me (with a few gray hairs added of course!).

Can I get a amen?  Seriously though, are there established homes (with moms at the helm, I suppose), who do not have a gift bag full of gift bags?  If there are such homes, I don’t wanna know.  A bag full of reused bags is how we get things done around our house.  Is there any other way? 

Oh my goodness, yes!   I would take any of these texts, gladly!  Some of my teens are pretty good about checking in with dear old mom (and saying lovely things like “I love you”), but  others are less skilled in these areas.  No money needed?  No driving?  Chores done without being asked?  I would be euphoric!  

And finally, this thought provoking image.  How many times does God’s mercy feel irrational, until it is me who needs his all-encompassing grace and forgiveness!  Praise God for the love He has for every member of His flock. 

Reflections on My 8th Grader, Vol. 3

Five years ago, when my eldest child started 8th grade, her lovely teacher sent an email to all the parents asking them to write a few paragraphs with any information that would help her better understand her students.  I loved the idea of writing about my gal, so I got to work (you can read about my eldest here).  When my second child was in 8th grade, I decided to do the same thing for him (you can read what I wrote about him here).  And now, you guessed it - by some freakishly fast passage of time, my third child is about to graduate from 8th grade, so I want to reflect a bit about him now.  Below, you'll find a few thoughts about our monkey in the middle.

Our sweet son was born 9 weeks early, almost two months to the date before his due date.  It was a tumultuous time (you can read about his birth here) for our family, but we were overjoyed at his arrival.  After 7 weeks in the NICU, we were able to bring our baby home to his big brother and sister.  His first year of life was challenging, but he was a fighter and he pulled through all the challenges. 

Isaac's name means laughter, and we couldn't have picked a better name for this child.  He is almost always happy and laughing, joking or smiling.  He is friends with everyone, and recently I've really noticed how good he is with younger kids. He loves life and has always had scads of interests spanning cooking to learning a language to every sport imaginable.  He is always fun to be around and makes me smile all the time (even during these challenging middle school years).

When he was little, he LOVED my hair.  He was obsessed with it.  He loved his own hair too, and if mine wasn't available, he would twirl his own hair whenever he could.  But he loved mine the most and would happily twirl and twist it as long as I would let him.  It was his security blanket, and I was a little sorry when he outgrew it.  I offer my hair to him now and then (don't judge me) but alas, he is not interested. :(  You can read about his love of hair here and here).

This boy loves any and all sports.  His second birthday party theme was all about sports, because the boy loved to play ball.  Currently he's mostly into basketball and lacrosse, but since he could walk, he's loved them all -- soccer, gymnastics, skiing, snowboarding, tennis, swimming, baseball, tubing, track and cross country. We have loved how active he has always been, and that he's ready to try anything new anytime. 

Isaac is resilient.  He's been through a lot over the course of his nearly fifteen years, and he always faces each challenge with a smile and a can-do attitude.  He inspires me with his positive attitude, and I am so thankful that God graced him with such a go-with-the-flow personality. He loves hospitals and hospital beds and hospital food, and is always up for a hospital stay! He makes the nurses and doctors smile whenever he interacts with them.

He wants to be a nurse when he grows up.  He has been so touched and supported by nurses that he wants to become one and work in a pediatric hospital.  I think he'd be a wonderful nurse (or pastor or youth church worker!) and I hope he continues to pursue a passion with children or people in general.  If he doesn't become a nurse, his other option is the MLL (Major League Lacrosse).  He's nothing if not optimistic!

I'm having a hard time imagining him leaving our grade school and moving onto high school.  I so love seeing him in the hallway with the friends he's known since he was in preschool (or earlier in some cases!).  It's inconceivable (I hope you heard that in your best Princess Bride impression) that the time has come for him to leave and move on, but come it has.  And he's ready.  It's bittersweet for him and he'll miss his class very much, but he's ready for the next step.  And since he's ready, I must be too.  He'll love his four years in high school I have no doubt, and I'll quickly love those years with him too.

Over the last fifteen years, this boy has continued to amaze and inspire me.  His ever-present smile, even during adversity, always warms my heart. God has already blessed him mightily, and I am looking forward to see what He has planned for him next.  I know it'll be good.

Throwback, Cooking Style

When I graduated from college, my mom gave me a gift.  It was a little Longaberger basket, filled with recipes from my childhood.  She had dividers for each section, and notes on some of the recipes ("knead the dough - this is not hard", "very easy", "some people like these toppings" - referring to my rather bland pizza tastes).  The recipe box was both useful and cherished from the beginning.  Over time, I have added my tried and true recipes to my mom's, and I outgrew the little Longaberger basket.  A few Christmases ago, she gave me a bigger basket, so I transferred all of the little dividers in her handwriting, and switched over all the recipes too.  For 24 years, I have thought of her often as I made her pizza, her "famous Mrs. Cleaver's chocolate chip cookies", "baboon brownies" and other time honored dishes.

Yesterday, I set about the task of cleaning out my cookbook cabinet.  What was once oft-used and frequently added to has lately been rarely opened.  So going through this cabinet was like going down memory lane.  Among the things I found:

• Several Gooseberry Patch cookbooks, almost all from my dear best friend from college.  She dated them all and wrote in the inside cover of them all, and I recalled our visits when our kids were little, swapping recipes and making dirt pudding with our kids.  Cookbooks with handwritten notes = keepers.
• 25+ Quick Cooking magazines.  Oh, how I loved that magazine.  Each month upon its arrival, I sat down during naptime and read all the wonderful recipes and all the anecdotes about cooks around the country.  I knew they needed to be recycled, but before I could do it, I decided to flip through them all.  Oh, the memories!  I paused a moment as I leafed through the June/July 2004 copy, realizing that the last time I had probably touched those pages was days before I gave birth to our third son, 9 weeks early.  I decided to keep that one and a couple of other copies for good measure. 
• Kids Cookbooks!  My husband has always worked long hours, and when the kids were little, he was only home for an hour or two on Sundays.  Because the day felt so long to the kids and me, I instituted Kids in the Kitchen every Sunday afternoon.  Each week we would make a kid friendly recipe, and it helped make what felt like a long day a little more cheerful.  I also ran across a well worn birthday cake cookbook (given to me by my dear college friend also!).  Though I have almost no skill at baking, the kids often chose a birthday cake for me to make from its pages, and we have lots of memories of special caterpillar cakes, beach scenes, and carousel cakes (though my talented sis created that one!).  I kept most of these because I'm a preschool teacher, and also grandchildren.
• Various fundraiser cookbooks.  Man, I had forgotten how common it was to make a church cookbook and sell it as a fundraiser.  I have several from different churches my husband and I have attended over the last 40+ years, and as I thumbed through them, I smiled at all the names I recognized.  I kept a few of these since they were so full of history.
• A Bread Machine Cookbook.  Remember when bread machines were all the rage?  I still had my cookbook, with a post it inside the front cover from my mom with tips about using it.  She instructed me to buy "Bread Flour", and told me I would find it at King Soopers, the grocery store in Colorado where we shopped the first year we were married.  Sentimental post its = must be kept.
• Betty Crocker and Better Homes and Gardens Binder Cookbooks.  These were both gifts from our wedding, and one houses the Pastitsio recipe I make every year on Christmas Eve.  Wedding cookbooks must be kept.

As I was going through the books, remembering each season of life with each book, I came across a fundraiser cookbook from an organization I didn't recognize.  When I flipped open the cover, I saw my dear grandma's handwriting.  My breath caught in my throat as I read her brief inscription:  "Shelley, just relax and have fun cooking.  You do all things well.  Love, Grandma D, April 95".  My eyes welled up as I remembered her encouraging me often with those very words.  Cookbooks with handwritten notes (see above), must be kept, especially when those notes are from family members who have passed away.

I know it doesn't sound like I purged much, but honestly I did. And the books I kept will remain in my cabinets, maybe to be used for recipes, but certainly to be used as a snapshot of my life in those years. And the goal of the cookbook purging was met - I made space for some dishes I need to re-house, so it was a win-win!

I use Pinterest for almost all of my new recipes now.  Sometimes, if a recipe becomes a family favorite, I do write it on a recipe card and put it in my box.  But often I just search Pinterest for whatever type of dish I'm looking for and read it from my phone or computer.  And while I love being able to have any recipe I desire in three seconds, I think something has been lost since I've moved away from those pages in my cabinet. In fifteen years, am I going to flip through Pinterest, recalling my son's third birthday or a dear friend's visit?  Probably not.  Someday (soon!), I want to write out my recipes for my daughters when they leave home, and I hope they can treasure the family dishes the way I have been able to myself.  And maybe someday they will flip through my old cookbooks and reminisce about the way mom used to cook. 

Happy Mother's Day, preschool mammas!

Dear my preschool mammas,

Happy Mother's Day!  The school year is almost over and my time with your children is drawing to a close.  I hope and pray I will see you and your children next year, but I know that isn't always possible. I have grown to love and care for your children this year, and I will miss them!

So as the time nears for us to say goodbye, and in special honor of Mother's Day, I wanted to take a moment to tell you something.

You're doing a great job.

I have kids myself and I know that you might not always feel that way.  But I am here to assure you that you are raising fine little people.

Your children are funny.  They make me laugh every day.  They crack themselves up; big belly laughs and hysterical giggles.  They tell me jokes with punchlines only a 4-year-old could create.  And they often think I am hilarious, which may or may not be the actual truth.

Your children are good friends. They love the friends they have made this year in school.  They play together, they hug each other, they share with one another.  True, it's not always unicorns and rainbows, but when they have a disagreement with a friend, they apologize and offer forgiveness.  They truly care about the friends they have made this year.

Your children are loved.  Daily I hear stories about how Mommy took me to the playground, or Daddy loves to wrestle with me.  These are the things that they treasure - memories with you.  You love them with a fierce love, and they know it and flourish because of it. 

Your children are happy.  Ok, maybe not all the time, but for the most part, your children relish life and bounce happily into school with a smile and hug goodbye for you.  And if your children are a little sad to say goodbye, you know to give them one last kiss and hug and send them in promptly, knowing they will be fine before you make it down the hallway.

Your children are secure.  They are secure in their knowledge of your love, of who they are and their place in your family.  They feel safe, knowing Mommy and Daddy love them enormously.

Your children know Jesus.  I am always blown away by how much your children know about the Bible and their Savior.  They know how much He loves them, even when they might make choices that don't please Him.  They know He loves them so much that He died on the cross for them, and they can tell you the whole story.  You teach them about Jesus, and they, therefore, know Jesus. 

We all know just how hard motherhood is.  The daily monotony and frustrations and exhaustion can begin to wear down even the best-intentioned mamma.  But I want to remind you something:  your work is sacred.  Mothering these little people, as I have watched you do this year, is your calling.  God has called you, and only you, to be your child's mother, and God knows you are the perfect woman for the job.  On the days when the task of motherhood seems just one step further than you can manage, remember this:  God gave you these children to raise and He doesn't make mistakes.  And He is helping you every step of the way!

Soon I won't get to see your little ones every day.  But I know they have big things ahead of them.  So keep up the good work, mammas.  You're doing a great job.

Love,

Your child's teacher

An Offer We Shouldn't Refuse

We've been having noon Eucharist for Holy Week, and I was able to attend today since I was off (though I work just down the hallway from the sanctuary, I can't make it down on the days I work). And wow.  I loved it.  I had already run my son to the eye doctor 25 minutes away, then 20 minutes to school, then 15 minutes back to errands for several hours, then 15 minutes back to church. The rest of the day will look much the same - shuttling kids to and fro, a rehearsal for me. . . the day is full and busy, as usual.

So to stop the crazy for a half hour and come into the peace of God's house was nothing short of beautiful to me.  I sat in the pew, breathing deeply and calming my heart.  And as I sat, the 5th-8th graders came in and I saw my middle school boys among them.  What joy to worship with fellow members as well my children, and the children of our school!  I soaked it all in.

The reading for today is from John 13, and is the story of how Jesus announced who would betray Him ("the one to whom I give the piece of bread that I dip in the dish" 13:26).  The brief meditation invited us, instead of rejecting and betraying Christ when He offers his body to us as Judas did, to accept the gift He gives us - the gift of Himself, in the very Eucharist we were about to receive.

What a gift Christ gives us in His body and blood.  As we ponder and contemplate this week on His holy sacrifice for us, I am in awe -- that He would give up His life for me.   Sinful, messy me.

Over the next several days, especially the Triduum (Maundy Thursday, Good Friday and Holy Saturday), I pray we all can truly turn our hearts away from the busyness of our lives and truly worship on our knees the God who came to our sinful earth to offer Himself to us on the cross.  I pray we humbly receive Him and the gift of eternal life He gives.

A Love Letter

My dear church family,

I love you.  This is a love letter to you.  Does that sound strange?  I suppose it does.

For over 20 years, we have been a part of your family.  As I sit in worship each Sunday, I often gaze at the faces that surround me, overwhelmed with love for the people with which we have been blessed to serve.  People we have known for all twenty years, or maybe just a month or two, and every time period in between.  People we have laughed with, cried with, grieved with and grown with.  People who have loved us through hard times and good.

For twenty years we have worshiped in this place.  For twenty years, you have been our family.  Through thick and thin, good times and bad, you have traveled with us.  We have shared your joys and sorrows too -- you have let us into your lives.  We have watched you mourn the losses of your loved ones, and we have mourned with you.  You have cried tears of joy and we have been privileged to cry with you.  And when our family has had hard times, you stood next to us, supporting us. 

We have raised our family here.  Your children are friends with our children; your lives have been intricately entwined with our family's.  We've navigated each new parenting challenge with you by our sides.  And we've launched our first child, with so much love for her from all of you. 

Every Sunday, I watch our Eucharistic ministers bow as they ascend the altar steps, and I marvel at them.  Fathers, husbands, young men.. .all full of love for you and a desire to serve you by taking on the most holy task of feeding God's people God Himself.  I watch you model what it means to love Christ and serve Him.  And my heart overflows.

I watch you young moms and dads teach your children the importance of worshiping each Sunday, though I know how hard it is (oh how I know!) to struggle so often in the pew.  Yet you keep coming back, because you know how important it is.  Your dedication fills me up.  There is nothing more sacred than bringing your children to the foot of the cross each week.

And families with older children, a group I now belong to, I see you bring your preteens and teenagers each week, sometimes unwilling though they might be, because you know that just the same as when they were little, this is the most important thing you can do for them -- far greater than any other activity they engage in.  It's not always easy, but you persevere, and it is inspiring.

And older people, oh how I love you!  Seeing your faithful example to all of us brings such joy to my heart.  You, the seasoned saints, who share such wisdom with us all, often just by your quiet lives.  I adore seeing you, talking with you, and introducing my children to you.  Your experience shapes our congregation.

Today we sang that we are gracefully broken.  Oh, indeed we all are.  And as I looked out at your beautiful faces, I was so incredibly thankful to be gracefully broken with you, here, in this place.  The love and shared experiences we have had, culminating each week with Eucharist,  these past many years is a blessing I can't put into words.  Thank you.  Thank you for sharing your lives with us, and for welcoming our lives into your fold.  My heart overflows with love for you.

In Christ's love,
S