If you were a fly on the wall, this is what you'd hear at our house:
Child, staring at the open fridge, aghast: "MOM! This is a food graveyard!"
Child, looking at his grades: "I'm getting 'B's, Mom! I'm an A+ man!"
"If Papa hadn't played for the White Sox, I wouldn't be standing right here before you!" True statement.
Boy, when prompted to say something kind about his brother (said seriously with no hint of irony): "Well, he threatens to hit me with his sword, but he never does!"