The Best of Friends

From the time my husband and I got engaged, we talked about having a big family. Interestingly enough, we always thought we'd have five kids, which we later went on to actually do!  I don't know if we actually envisioned what life with lots of kids would look like, but we each came from a family of two children and were very close to our siblings.  I think we really loved the idea of a loud, fun house, full of kids playing, laughing, and loving each other.

What we didn't envision was all the fighting!  While my husband and his brother had their moments growing up, and my sister and I sometimes bickered, I don't think we could have pictured what a house full of kids who didn't always see eye to eye would look like. As our family grew in number and the children grew in years, so did the arguing.  And the complaining.  And the constant "Mom!  Tell him to ______!!!!"

And oh. my. goodness.  There were so many moments when dear old mom was at the end of her rope.  Moments where I thought if I heard so much as one more whine and fuss about a sibling, so help me, everyone was going to regret it.  Not my finest hour(s), but it was reality.  Will they ever get along?  I lamented to myself, to my husband, to God. I had serious concerns.  After all, I knew lots of adult siblings who were not particularly close at best and actually estranged at worst.  I wasn't living in lala land where my kids might fight all their childhood but then suddenly emerge as adults who were the best of pals.  I knew their childhood years were critical in shaping their relationships with each other as adults.

And so I reminded them often, usually during a disagreement or squabble, or after an unkind word or uncharitable action:  "Please be kind to your brother (or sister).  He (or she) will be your friend for life!  You won't know anyone as long as you will know your siblings!  God gave you such a gift in your brothers and sisters!"

Repeat, over and over again, and then wait. Wait for years. Wait and pray, and continue to guide and encourage and offer opportunities for sibling bonding.  

And then, after all of those years, I have had the joy of seeing those prayers and pleas being answered. As my kids have grown into adults and older teenagers, what I thought might never happened has indeed happened:  they are friends.  

With joy, I have watched them laugh together, turn to a sibling for advice during a hard time, celebrate each other's victories,  and cry with each other during struggles.  They often choose to be together, look to each other for answers, and stand up for each other when needed.  Sure, they also gang up together to make fun of mom and dad,  but we can take it because "look, honey!  The kids are getting along so well while they mock us!" They have a separate group chat of just the kids where I'm sure they say all sorts of ridiculous things, but maybe also build each other up.  

No one will understand their growing-up years quite like their siblings do.  They can laugh about a funny video they watched when they were little, or how excited they were on Christmas morning, or how they used to play "crazy church".  While my husband and I were there, our perspective was different, and they could only turn to each other to fully reminisce about their memories. 

So if you're a young mom reading this, take heart. Keep encouraging and offering opportunities for your kids to grow closer.  And keep praying.  And then wait.  And in a few years, you'll see those fledgling friendships you've been watching grow truly blossoming.  And it will be beautiful.