150 Years of Love

Dear parents of my PreKindergarteners —

I love your child fiercely. I love her when she gives me hugs, when his face lights up with understanding during a lesson, when she is selfless during center time, and when he sings his heart out during Jesus time. I love your child when he is frustrated and gets upset, and when she has big feelings that are hard to navigate through. I love your child when he says silly things that make me laugh, and when she asks questions about Jesus and shares her faith with her friends, saying joyfully -  “Jesus is in my heart!”.  I love your child fiercely.  

As each school year starts and I begin to form a bond with my students, I am always taken aback a bit by my love for your children. This love comes on quickly and strongly as we get to know each other and become a class family.  This morning I was praying for your children before I got up for church, and the following thoughts came to mind:

This morning was the kickoff service of Trinity’s 150th year. For 150 years, Trinity Lutheran Church and School has shared Jesus with those in our community.  Pastors and teachers have shared the gospel and God’s word has taken root in people’s hearts. And this morning my heart was filled with joy at the privilege it is be a tiny part in that timeline. I already often think about the gift it is to be surrounded by so many selfless teachers who pour themselves out for their students — teachers who work tirelessly to help their students learn academically, but more importantly, grow in their faith.  I  also often think about all the other Lutheran and parochial teachers across the world who are doing the same things in their little corners of the world. 

But this morning as I thought about our 150th celebration worship today, I realized I don’t remember quite as often those who went before us and did all these same things. They also got tired, and discouraged, and felt insignificant, perhaps thinking - does anything I’m doing really matter??

And as we look back, oh how we could answer them — YES!! What you are doing MATTERS.  I think of my own Lutheran school education and the incredible foundation it gave me for literally every piece of my life.  And I think of my mother, who also received a Lutheran education and feels the same way, and her father before her.  The names of all those teachers and pastors won't all be remembered, but what they did has an eternal impact.

For 150 years, God’s servants have walked into whatever building housed Trinity at that time and shared Jesus with their students. For 150 years, they have had the same feelings I have about my little ones. And it’s kind of an overwhelming feeling, knowing how God can take so many ordinary people and use them to share His love. 

So dear PreK parents, I started this letter sharing my love for your children, and I’ll end it just the same. As I carry on, day in and day out, teaching your children their letters and numbers and working on fine and gross motor skills and how to be a kind and loving friend, I’ll also be reminded of this:  God is using me, like He is using everyone at Trinity now, and all those who taught before me and those who will be called here in the future, to be His hands and His feet. So even when that task might feel daunting, instead I’ll be reminded that God loves your children more than I do, more than you do, and He, like He has for eternity, equips us all with what we need for the task.  I am grateful to have the chance to love your children this 150th year of Trinity. 

Love, Mrs. M

 

Duke Strikes Again

 My dear friends, you may remember Duke, our beloved precious good tolerated puppy.  He's adorable, but so very full of super naughty behavior.  While he is slowly improving (with age and the help of a very special collar), he still has a loooooong way to go, as evidenced by what you're about to read.  

Duke, deceivingly cute

The other night, my husband had several men from church over for dinner and drinks.  The men were all in the dining room and I was next door in the kitchen, working.  The men were having a great time, with so much laughter.  I wasn't really listening to what they were saying, but I was so enjoying their constant laughter.  And bonus!  They all seemed to truly enjoy Duke and not mind at all that he was nearby as they ate dinner and had a drink afterward. 

And then the laughter really intensified.  The men were howling with laughter and I began to wonder just what was going on in the dining room.  Before long, my husband called out to me, "Honey!  We owe him a new pair of pants!!".

With great trepidation, I went into the dining room to find that dear old Duke, friend to fun-loving guys in the dining room, had, over the course of several minutes, chewed/consumed/destroyed the pant leg of one of the men's jeans. So sneaky and quiet was this naughty boy that our friend didn't even realize it was happening!  This was the carnage:

Duke has ruined so many things in our house since we got him almost a year ago, but never has he eaten the clothes off of someone while they were wearing them. We've reached new lows.  

I was laughing and crying so hard I could hardly stand up.  Our friend was an amazingly good sport and was so generous to us in our state of horror. I hugged him as he tried to make me feel better for owning such a wretched animal.  

Seriously.  Is there a more poorly behaved dog in all of the land?  If so, please share your stories with me so I feel a glimmer of hope.

In the meantime, you can find me tirelessly guarding all important items in our house and hoping these days will soon be behind us.  

Then and Now

I spent several hours yesterday and today driving to visit one of my college boys. I haven’t seen him, our third and middle child, in about a month since we moved him into his college dorm. As I told several people the day that we dropped him off, leaving your third child for his first year of college is no easier than leaving your first or second child. It still hurts quite a bit as you drive away, leaving a piece of yourself behind. I have missed this boy during these last several weeks, like his siblings before him. But, I am doing better than I thought I might, which is largely in part because I am so confident and excited about the place he is in. He has been adjusting himself and doing so well with it.  Knowing he is doing fine soothes the ache in my heart just a little bit. 

While I have visited my college children many times, going to visit this child in particular hits a little different, as my kids would say. Our third child, whom we used to affectionately call our monkey in the middle, goes to school in the same city where he spent the first seven weeks of his life, in the NICU of the Children’s Hospital there. And after those seven weeks in the hospital, my husband and I made countless trips back for appointments, hospital stays, surgeries, and checkups. For the bulk of the three hours it takes to get to my son's college, the drive is exactly the same as it was to take him to his children’s hospital; in fact, we pass one of the hospital locations that we frequently visited over the years. As I drove all of those miles yesterday and today to hug my giant son, I couldn’t help but ponder all of the drives we had made in years past.  He was a much smaller but no less precious son. Sometimes, those drives were exciting, and sometimes, they were filled with anxiousness or fear, both on our part and our son's. How different it is to drive that highway this time, knowing that I got to see my boy when I arrived.

Many of those trips to the hospital were exciting ones for my son. Even though he has had 15 or so surgeries, he typically approached every one with excitement – he loved staying in the hospital. And while we knew that each overnight stay might be a challenge for him, we were incredibly grateful for his spirit and sense of thrill as the visit approached with every passing mile. He loved the hospital! He loved the food, the nurses, the one-on-one attention from mom and dad, the Child Life specialist, the therapy dog that might come to visit…  the list goes on. Even though my husband and I might have felt a little worried about a surgery now and then, our son's peace and anticipation made it so much easier for us. 

Our son is studying to be a nurse at this university in the town of his children’s hospital. He wants to work in the pediatric wing of a hospital when he graduates. He is wonderful with children and so very much wants to be for them what so many nurses were for him for so many years: a source of joy, safety, cheer, and comfort. I was texting with my son the other day and told him how vividly I could picture him in this vocation. Typically, while I hope and pray for many things in the future (weddings, grandchildren, vacations, and the like),  I often can’t quite picture them very vividly. But for some reason, I have such an incredibly clear vision in my head of my son, confidentially entering a child’s hospital room, big and strong, dressed in scrubs, and with a beautiful and warm smile on his face. I can see the child in the bed, perhaps anxious or sad, and I can see my son, who knows just how that child might be feeling, introducing himself and setting the child’s fragile heart at ease. And it brings me such incredible joy. 

While we were hanging out today, we decided to go to the hospital and walk around.  Oh, the memories!  We swapped stories and finished each other's sentences as we walked those incredibly familiar halls.  So many of those visits were scary and worrisome, but overarchingly, our memories are so good of all his time there. 

As I drove all of those miles and walked those halls and pondered all he has experienced over his 19 years, I thanked God. I thanked Him for giving us this child, for providing for him so richly through all of his challenges, and even more, helping him grow so much through them. And I also thank God for his heart now, for his desire to give back and to reach out to help others in this specific way.

Only God knows the future for our son, just as he always has. In those early days, oh, how we prayed for God to give us faith and show us the way, just as he had given Abraham with his son. Never in our wildest dreams could we have envisioned how God would provide for him. As usual, God’s dreams and plans are far better than mine. So, while I have this vision of our boy ministering to the needs of those in the hospital, only God knows how he will use him in the future. And I can’t wait to find out what that will look like. 

Thoughts on our Vacation Down South

Late Friday night, we returned home from our family vacation.  This year's vacation looked a little different - mainly due to the fact that we didn't all sleep in a teeny tiny pop-up!  Yes, this year we went to South Carolina, and our 21-year-old pop-up doesn't have A/C, so we couldn't bring her along.  We had an amazing time seeing the sights in South Carolina and relaxing on the beach together.  A few highlights:

• Hours in the car:  About 35.  If you know our family, you know that's waaaaay fewer than other years.  And while 35 hours in the car with 7 people might not sound appealing to many, I always enjoy the car time (granted I drive ZERO of those hours, sooooo).  On these long drives, we sing together with harmonies (both good and crazy), we laugh till we cry, and we also have good and meaningful conversations.  While a plane ride might be more efficient, I'm glad we have all those hours together in the car.
• Wildlife seen:  As I said above, this trip was very different from our other trips, especially in the area of wildlife!  While we're used to seeing bears and eagles and buffalo, this year we saw enormous orb spiders (one of which was at almost eye-level with my son on a hike!!), skinks and lizards, a snapping turtle, dolphins, and alligators!  We had alligator sightings several times, but this picture shows one just across the pond from where we were staying.  He slithered up on the bank during a rainstorm, and after about 10 minutes, he just slid right back into the pond.  The kids were glad we got to see one, and I was very glad he was at a slight distance!

• National Parks and Monuments:  Congaree NP and Ft. Sumter and Ft. Moultrie.  At Congaree National Park we took a short 2-mile loop through the swamp lands, which is where we saw the giant man-eating orb spiders.  It was 1000 degrees as we walked on the boardwalk, reading the informational signs, but also sweeping left and right, up and down, lest we walk into a spider or encounter an alligator in all the standing swampy water right next to us.  Ft. Sumter and Ft. Moultrie were both fascinating and sobering visits as we pondered all those who had sacrificed so much.
• Heat Index: 105+ Our first several days of vacation were spent in the National Park/Forts, and sightseeing in Charleston and Savannah. And oh. my. word.  It was HOT.  I am not a fan of the hot, (or the cold for that matter - I often tell the kids that I am a delicate flower).  We walked around the cities, slathered in sunscreen and wilting and sweating within seconds of being outside.  Charleston and Savannah were so beautiful - we all loved the history and architecture and beauty of the towns, but I gotta say, it might be better to see all these things when you didn't feel like you were going to die of heat exhaustion.
• Jewelry lost/found.  Three pieces.  On the "hike" at Congaree, my son quickly brushed away a bug at his face and broke his crucifix, causing it to fall through the boards to the muck below the boardwalk.  My husband, ever ready to do whatever job must be done, got on his hands and knees next to the boardwalk (thankfully there was no water at this spot) and put his hand under the boardwalk while my son shined his flashlight through the slats.  Do you recall all the creatures that were at this National Park? I couldn't have done it!  The second piece was another crucifix, misplaced as we were about to pull out of our hotel in Charleston.  After several minutes of searching the hotel and car, it was found in the owner's backpack.  And finally, a gold hoop earring, lost at Ft. Sumter or on the ferry ride over.  Unfortunately, this one has yet to turn up, though I still have hope maybe it's in the car somewhere.
• Theme Song:  God's Country by Blake Shelton.  Every year, a theme song emerges during our many hours of car time, and this year was a clear winner.  When my husband and I started dating, we only agreed on about one thing regarding music:  we both hated country.  This has stayed true all 27 years of marriage, and our kids have rarely if ever heard country music in our house.  But as they've gotten older, they occasionally like a country song that wanders onto our radio or Alexa, and this seems to be one of them.  So this year as we drove through "God's country", we could sing all about the devil going down to Georgia.  But he didn't stick around.
• Doggies left behind:  Dukers!  Since Duke is too crazy/naughty/strong, we didn't feel we could ask anyone to dogsit him, so we boarded him at the place we adopted him from.  They are a great organization and post pictures daily of their doggy daycare dogs and their boarders. Every day, one of us would remember to check their facebook page and we would often be rewarded with pictures of our naughty boy.  He appeared to be living his best doggy life, swimming in the baby pool and running around like a maniac with the other puppers.  We picked him up yesterday and I can't tell if he's glad to be home or if he misses his newly made pals.  Either way, he's resumed his naughty ways at home. 

• Time in the water:  So much!!  During our time at the coast, we fell into a rhythm - eat lunch, then go to the beach for a few hours, then head to the pool before a (very!) late dinner.  The ocean was ridiculously warm and we all loved playing in the surf.  We played spike ball every day, read books, drank beach drinks, and took walks.  At the pool we built triple stack shoulder sits and practiced our handstands and underwater tricks.  I tried valiantly to get someone to make a synchronized swimming routine with me, to no avail.  Our trips don't often include so much time in the water and while we're all still a little sunkissed/peeling, I think its safe to say that we all loved so many days at the beach and pool!

As the kids get older, we are seeing them treasure these trips more and more.  I think they all realize how precious our time together is as they are all leaving the nest in various ways.  I am so incredibly grateful that all the older kids still want to take an adventure with their family - I know that the days are numbered when we'll all be able to take these trips together.  We saw some beautiful sights, we relaxed, we ate well, and we laughed so much.  As usual for me, it doesn't really matter where we travel to - the best part of any trip is the togetherness.  I'm so thankful for the time we get to spend as a family on these adventures. 

25 years and counting!

This past Sunday marked the celebration of the 25th anniversary of my husband's ordination. The love that was poured out on him and our entire family was unbelievable.  From the moving service to the beautiful luncheon, the whole day was just overwhelming.  So many people worked so hard to show my husband how much he was loved, and it absolutely blew me away.  What a gift we have been given in this place.

A couple of the kids and I spoke at the luncheon, and below is what I said (give or take :).  Perhaps I'll share more of my thoughts about the day later, but for now, here is my general feeling this week:  I want to hug every member of our church that I see and tell them I love them.  I will try to refrain from doing that, so as not to humiliate my children, but that's where I'm at.  God's people are so good and we are so very thankful. 

My words from the luncheon:

I want to start off by saying that I'm not the public speaker in the family.  I prefer writing or talking to a classroom of little people.  But I couldn't let today pass without putting my fear aside and taking just a moment to share my heart a bit.  

First, I want to thank my husband.  I can't imagine being married to a more generous, loving, thoughtful, and hardworking man.  It has been a joy to walk alongside you these 27 years of marriage, with 25 of those years at Trinity.  I am in constant awe of your ability to suss out what's important and to truly focus on those things.  Despite what is generally known as a demanding vocation, you have never made me or our kids feel second best to the church; you have always prioritized our family and managed to balance everything so very well.  You never waver in doing the right thing, even when it's tiring or comes with a cost.  You always point the kids and me to Christ, and never stop challenging all of us to look to Him in every decision we make. I am incredibly grateful God chose me to be your wife, and I look forward to our future together in the next many years of your ministry.  I love you.

Second, I want to thank you, the people of Trinity.  When we came here, almost 25 years ago to the day, we were welcomed with open arms, and that has never changed in all these years.  My friends and family know that in my teen years, I always wanted to marry a pastor, but I had no real idea what ministry would be like as a pastor's wife.  I had heard all the scary stories - you won't be able to have any friends!  The church will work your husband day and night! You'll never be able to put down roots anywhere!  - but I didn't really believe it would be that way, and Trinity has certainly proven to be a wonderful place - the absolute opposite of all those dire warnings I had been given.  Over all these years and through God's grace, I have watched my husband share your joys and sorrows. I have watched him love you and care for you with all his heart.  And I have no doubt in my mind that he was able to do that because you loved us.  You have rejoiced with our family and you have cried with our family and in so doing, you have become our family. 

So today is a day we are celebrating 25 years that God has used your pastor to further His kingdom, and as his wife, I celebrate that too - I'm so blessed by his heart and the person he is.  But I also see today as a day to celebrate 25 years of Trinity as a family - a family who continues to pour out grace and generosity to all those in her midst.  You are Christ's hands and feet and we are so thankful for you - we love you so much.

Send Off!

 In just a few days, my middle son will be graduating from high school.  It still feels surreal to me, that this giant man-boy will soon be done with his high school career, and also with his time at home.  This is his last week of driving to school with his brother, of morning "circle up" prayer with all of us before school. . .the last week of everything we've ever known with this boy.  

And ohhhhh - my heart is aching a bit.  I've launched two kids already, who are thriving and of whom we're so proud.  And I have absolutely no doubt that this sweet and loving boy will have just the same story.  He continues to amaze me with his strength, his empathy, and his generosity.  He loves Jesus fiercely and that relationship is going to deepen through the pastoral leadership program he was accepted into in college.  He wants to become a nurse and care for others the way he has been cared for by countless nurses over his lifetime, and I know he'll provide compassionate care for his patients. 

So yep.  In short, I really love this boy and I'm gonna miss him like crazy.  But as we close out his senior year and send him off in a few months, I know he's prepared. I know he isn't alone.

This morning at worship, we had a send off for the seniors in our congregation. The seniors and their parents were called up and our pastor prayed for their futures - that they would listen to God's calling in their lives and walk with Him as they move on from this place.  After the prayer, my husband and I traced the sign of the cross over his eyes, ears, mouth, heart, hands, and feet as we prayed for him.  We prayed for his heart, that he may always know his Savior; his hands, that God may be glorified in the work they do; and his mouth that God's praises may always be spoken. We have done this same blessing for all of our kids when they were preparing for confirmation, and I was immediately taken back to the time we had done this very thing for this son. I remember being choked up then, and I was quite emotional today too.  

He was 11 the first time we gave him these blessings, and I wrote a bit about this rite in this post.  This is what I wrote then:

Last Sunday we were able to participate in a confirmation rite with our 11-year-old.  During the rite, we made the sign of the cross on his ears, his eyes, his mouth, his shoulders, his heart, his hands, and his feet.  At the beginning of the rite, our son was smiling a bit and feeling self-conscious.  But somewhere around his heart, I started to get choked up (which surprised me at the time, but of course is not surprising whatsoever).  As my husband's and my hands traced the cross on his heart, my mind flashed back to his body in the NICU, hooked up to machines keeping him alive.  It's hard to reconcile those early memories with the strapping, healthy boy he is today.  Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

These prayers take on new meaning now as we prepare to send him off.  And while it's so hard to imagine our daily life without him in it, I know he's ready.   I know he's not alone.  I know God will be walking before him, beside him, behind him, hemming him in.  We will continue to pray that all he does will be to the glory of God, just as we always have.  

He's come a long way, and we know God's plans for him are still unfolding.  We can't wait to see how God uses him to serve others!

Lax it Up!

 About 6 years ago, my two younger boys asked to play a new sport.  

"Can we play lacrosse, mom?" It's really fun and we want to try it!"

When I asked about baseball, also a spring sport and one I had come to love, exhausting though it was, they assured me they could do both, since the overlap was only a month or so.

So with caution, we let them try it out.  Of course, the only team they could play on practiced and competed at a field 30 minutes away - three times a week.  My Tuesday and Thursday nights were now spent in the car (cold nights) or walking the nearby neighborhood (warm nights).  In between entertaining my younger daughter for those two hour practice slots, I got glimpses of this strange game.  I didn't understand much of it. . .my biggest takeaway was that there was a lot of whacking and hitting and running and scrambling for the ball.  And oh how I preferred to watch baseball!

Fast forward to this year. My eldest son is now a senior and he and his brother play on the same team for their high school.  Their last game was this week.  While there is still a lot I don't get about the game, I enjoy it so much more now.  I love to see my sons run down the field, shoot, and score.  I still think it's very violent and have been known to quietly say "Don't hit my baby!" to rough opponents.  But this season has been especially meaningful to me because it is the only year the boys have played on the same team.  

Maybe every mother would be this way, or maybe it's just me, being my usual sentimental self, but seeing the boys on the field together is the best thing ever. Watching them walk on and off the field together or confer during the game makes my heart so happy.  But my absolute favorite thing, as everyone who has sat with me during a game this year knows, is the Brotherly Passes. Many times during each game, one brother would pass to the other and I loved it every single time.  Brothers!  Brothers who lax it up together!  Brothers who look so strong and capable and old out there! Brothers who look out for each other! Brothers who are friends.

As each of our children has overlapped with a sibling in high school for a year or two, we've watched the relationship between those two siblings deepen.  These two brothers have spent two years of high school together, and playing lacrosse this year on the same team has been one of the many ways they've connected.  I'm thankful for this crazy, violent sport after all.  

Daddy Daughter Dance

 Yesterday was the Daddy Daughter Dance at our church.  For the last 20 years or so, this dance has been the highlight of my husband's and my daughters' years.  

Every year, since my eldest was 3 years old, this dance meant a new dress, special hair, a fancy dinner out, a beautiful corsage presented by daddy, and so much more. But even though they love to dance the night away, this Daddy Daughter Dance has never really been about dancing.  This dance is still and has always been about the special bond my husband has with our girls.  Early on, I remember my husband and daughter choosing to go out to dinner just the two of them, instead of with groups of girls and dads that were forming; they wanted the time to themselves.  And over the years, this dance, this precious event, became sacred to them.  Even when covid canceled the dance for two years, dad and daughter had a special dinner and danced in our living room.

Over the years, the dance preparations have varied slightly.  For years, it was just my eldest daughter and my husband.  Then for many years (until my eldest graduated from high school!), it was both girls and daddy.  And now for the past several years, it is just my youngest and daddy.  My amazon photos of the dance number over 300(!), and each one brings a smile to my face as I remember those little girls and see their faces gazing up at their daddy and their dad, in turn, looking upon them with love. Such gift.  Such grace. 

I've heard the sentiment before that "a daughter needs a dad to be the standard against which she judges all men".  During all the years of attending this dance together, my girls have seen their father treasure them.  They have learned from his example, his words, the way he treats me and others what it means to be a man, and how a man should treat a woman.  A girl loves her father like she loves no one other -- she looks up to him with an adoration she has for no one else.  A father can shape how a girl sees herself and is taught by him she is worthy of being treasured someday by her husband.  

This year, the pictures I took of my daughter and husband were at church instead of in our living room.  After I took their pictures, I walked out of the building as they walked into the gym toward the dance.  As I walked out, I saw so many girls I know (some from my class who have been talking about the dance all week!) and their dads, all dressed up, holding hands, so excited.  As I got in the car to go have dinner with my son (another tradition we've made over the years), my eyes filled up.  My tears were happy tears - for all these precious girls and their adoring daddies, and for my own girls and husband. As I pulled out of the parking lot, I prayed for all of them and thanked God for the gift they are to each other. And ultimately, I am thankful for all of these earthly fathers who point their daughters to their heavenly Father.  

At our church, the committee that hosts our Daddy Daughter Dance goes all out.  The decor, the food -- the whole experience is unbelievable.  These men and women spend hours transforming the gym into a wonderland.  The girls' faces light up when they walk into whatever theme has taken over that year - they are so excited for the evening. I am forever indebted to the servants who make this dance happen, year after year.  They, too, have always understood that it's so much more than a dance.

Out of the Mouths of Babes, Part 4

Teenager:  "I'd love to go back to my childhood and do it all over again. . ."

Me, holding my breath: 

Teenager:  ". . .and do it exactly the same way!"

Parenting often feels hard and messy and exhausting and sometimes I find myself wondering "Did we handle that right?",  "Did I give them a good foundation to launch from?", "Are they ready for the world, loving Jesus first and foremost?".

And the answers to these questions?  I don't know.  But we know that God does and can see just how each of their stories will unfold.  Each day we trust and pray that God holds them close and gives us wisdom when we ask for it. And we also cling to the sure knowledge that as much as we love these precious children, we know that God loves them infinitely more  - how grateful I am for that!

So while we wait and watch to see how God shapes their lives, I'll hang on to little moments of encouragement like this one.  

Upon Finding a Displaced Fork

About 27 years ago or so, my now-husband and I went to Target.  After talking to an employee (who I knew since I had worked there for 6 years!), we were given portable scanners and given free rein of the store.  I vividly remember my then-fiancee darting in and out of the aisles as if he was James Bond.  We were laughing and thinking about our wedding and also registering for wedding gifts.  

Among the things we registered for that spring day was silverware. Not as fun as some of the other things we chose, but a necessity nonetheless.  We chose a pattern we thought would stand the test of time and then moved on to fun things like towels and shower curtains and blenders.

Fast forward to this past week.  I was getting in our "teen" car, a 2003 Rav 4 that is hanging on by a thread.  My almost 19-year-old son was driving us home from a college visit, and I looked down on the floor of the passenger seat and saw a fork.  And I was suddenly back in Target, registering for our wedding gifts.  

I thought of us that day, only a few years older than this man-child who was driving me home.  We were so excited about the future:  each other, our wedding, our impending move to Colorado, and just the future in general.  Everything was wide open - opportunities, joy, and happiness were on the horizon. 

I am absolutely positive that I could not have envisioned our beautiful newly-registered-for forks lying on the floor of a beat-up car being driven by our third adult child.  

Maybe others are better at picturing what's ahead, but it appears I'm pretty lousy at it.  In some vague, other-worldly way, I could dream of children and the deepening love that marriage brings over the years, but I really couldn't foresee it with any detail at all.  

So many years have passed since we chose silverware.  So much life has transpired.  So many years filled with good and hard and everything in between. So much beauty, even in the challenges and sorrow.  And I wonder, if God grants us life and marriage and parenthood for another 27 years, what will life look like? 

Will I be taken off guard again by a random fork or similar relic of our earlier years?  Perhaps being used by a grandchild or great-grandchild?  

As I already said, I can't really imagine it.  But I do know that God can, and I'm thankful for that.  Whatever is in our future, I know God is already there.  

2023 Goals

 2022 was not the easiest year.  We had a fair bit of loss, disappointment, and sadness.  The year started off with challenges from the start, and it remained so throughout.  Many times during the year I thought "I hope next year is better!".

And yet, even through all the tears, frustrations, and worries, I knew God was with us.  I often prayed during those moments, "gift, gift, gift".  Even the bad parts of the year were gifts from God and I knew it.  And it helped sometimes, but sometimes it also just helped to cry, mourn, grieve, and offer it all up to God.  

As 2023 approached and I thought about the new year, I made some loose goals, one of which is to listen to a podcast of the Bible in a year, which has already been a wonderful blessing.  I also thought about a word for the year.  I tossed around a few ideas, but I kept coming back to the word I've held onto for a few years now:  fiat.  I've blogged about the word fiat (you can read it here), and everything I wrote then still holds fast today.  Among the hardships of the last year, I could always see God's hand working; I could often see the blessings coming from the challenge, and even if I couldn't immediately see it, I knew God would work it for good. 

And so I continue to pray fiat.  To pray God's will in my life -- that God, who knows far better than I what will be beneficial for me to experience and endure, will continue to bless me and my family as He sees fit.  

Our pastor's homily on Sunday centered around the phrsase "Know God and make Him known".  As I approach this coming year, being open to God's will, I will keep this in mind too.  After all, everything in the Christian life boils down to this: to know God and to grow in myrelationship with Him, and to make Him known in everything I do, to everyone I encounter. 

So no matter what curveballs I may feel 2023 brings me, I want these two prayers to hem me in: let it be unto me as God says, and to know God and make Him known.

Random Thoughts, Post-Christmas

Oh wow!  If ever I resonated with a meme, it's this one!  The older I get, the more this is me.  Staying home brings me serious joy, and it appears I'm becoming a hermit in my old(er) age.  Wearing comfy clothes, doing chores around the house, hanging with my family. . .what's not to love??  I am afraid I may become a complete recluse when I retire!  Maybe send help?  Or don't and just come and visit me - as long as you bring wine and don't mind how I look in joggers and a sweatshirt. :) 

Here is our Christmas tree this year:  

Our tree began in the normal way, with fun family decorating and silliness and banter.  The tree looked lovely, covered in all our family ornaments, just as it always does.  But a day or two into its tenure in our home, the tree was being attacked.  Or rather, the ornaments were being attacked.  Picked off, one by one, by. . .you guessed it - Duke the wonder dog!  Yep, the ornaments appeared to be tasty treats to our naughty boy.  So one by one, over the next few days, I began un-trimming the tree, until only about the top third of the tree remained decorated.  I got used to the look after a while and it reminded me of all our toddler years.  Of course, Duke is a lot of the work of a toddler without all the rewards. . .but that's not the point here. 

Just before Christmas, I did this silly sheet with my students:  I think my teacher wants_____for Christmas.  The answers all made me laugh.  A couple of my favorites:

Umm. . .no thank you! One wild canine is all this family can handle. 

Ok!  I don't know what a crazy Batman car is, but I might enjoy fitting all my children in it.  
Apparently it's crazy big!