On Leaving One's Second Child at College

 A week ago yesterday, we took our second child to college.  A few thoughts on that endeavor:

• People said, "Oh, I know you had a hard time taking your daughter to school, but it's much easier the second time!".  Lemme tell you something:  Those people are either lying to your face or fooling themselves, because it was Not Easier.  The days and hours leading up to his departure were full of leaky eyes on my part and nostalgic conversations between my husband and me. (Side note, I do not recommend leaving midday to take a child to college -- there are too many hours before you leave of wandering around the house, making sure you have "everything", trying not to cry, and trying to keep busy.  This is only recommended if your husband has a commitment midday and an early morning departure is unavailable.  Carry on.)  
• Watching your child walk away from you, knowing they are walking into a great big unknown, and you won't see them for weeks and weeks, is really hard.  Like, that's an understatement.  To really terrify younger parents, I will say it this way:  It feels like your heart is being ripped out of your chest.  I got in the car promptly to let my husband say goodbye and to save my son from seeing his mother lose it and proceeded to sob for much of the 1:45 drive home.
• Texting is a gift to college parents.  My college daughter and I text every day, sometimes multiple times a day.  I knew this would not be the case with my son, so I have a few tricks up my sleeve, in case they are needed, to receive "proof of life" return texts.  But I'm happy to say that I have not needed to resort to them just yet, as he has been pretty good about texting us this past week.  And when he doesn't respond, I don't mind, because it means he is busy and out making friends. But as I thought when my daughter went to school, I thought now again, "my poor parents!".  My sister and I left home, and my parents had to go days and days without knowing how we were doing, and then when we did talk, it was once or twice a week, in timed phone calls so the bill wouldn't be exorbitant.  Parents today get to text whenever they want, and Facetime their college kids.  I am so very thankful for technology as a college parent! (I blogged about this when my daughter left for college as well - you can read about that here.) 
• Younger parents, I hope you're still reading this part:  While it is incredibly hard to let your child go away, I have learned now, doing it twice, that I can do it.  I know it will sting each time (I have three more drop offs to manage!), but I also know that this is what I want for my son/daughter, and that they are ready to soar!  Hearing from the newly minted college student that he/she is doing well soothes the ache tremendously, and reminds my mamma's heart that this is what should be.  That while the time for their leaving comes way too quickly for my heart, I know it is what is best for them.  And knowing that takes away a bit of the sting.
• My final thought:  My children are not alone when they are away.  With both of our kids so far, as they've chosen a college and prepared to leave home, we've actively talked with them about finding a church to attend and ways to find a faith community at their schools.  What comfort it brings me to know that they are meeting people who share their faith, and attending worship and communing with other Christians. And most importantly, God is ever present at their side.  As my husband and I pray for our children who've left the nest, we can take great comfort in knowing that God is with them even when we cannot be.  What a joy to know that they are never alone.

The Graduate, Part Two

 It seems to have taken me forever to blog about this, but better late than never!  My son, our second child, has graduated from high school and will be leaving for college two weeks from today.  

This child has had all the crazy thrown at him his senior year. . .no prom, no awards night, no spring show, no saying goodbye to friends on the last day of school.  He walked out of school on Mar. 13, not knowing he wouldn’t be back. He decided on a college to attend while quarantined.  He took AP exams online with the rest of the country (amid all sorts of technological challenges), and he watched his graduation date get bumped out to July.  He wrote his salutatorian speech at home and practiced with his buddy the valedictorian over FaceTime. He attended his baccalaureate and graduation wearing a mask, but still was able to share his heart with his classmates.  We took pictures with his friends, in masks, because hey - this is the memory! His grad party had to be amended time and time again due to a number of obstacles, but we were able to carry on and celebrate him and his achievements.  And now, in two weeks, he will be leaving the nest.  Sniff, sniff.

If covid has taught us all anything, it’s to appreciate the important things in life (and also to be very, very flexible).  And man, I appreciate this boy.  From his crazy humor to his philosophical discourses, from his deep theological pondering to his constant banter with his siblings and us, I enjoy this child young man. Our house is a better place with him in it.  

And now he will be leaving. BUT - if you can believe it, I have so wanted him to get to go.  As everything has been so tenuous, my biggest hope has been that my college kids get to GO to school. And it looks like he will be able to and I’m so thankful.  I am going to miss him with a fierce ache, but he’s so ready for this.  He’s been ready for a year, and now we get to watch him spread his wings and fly.  

Saying I’m so proud of him doesn’t sound quite right — it connotes some sort of achievement on my part. But I am so proud of who he has become and is becoming.  A man of strong moral character, a deep faith, a quick wit and a man who works hard to achieve his goals.  It’s hard to believe the time has (almost) come for him to fly from the nest, but I know he’s ready.  And that means I’ll be ready too.