Here Am I

I recently had the privilege of speaking with several young women who were on the cusp of their husbands' ordinations into the pastoral ministry.  These women were on the cusp of a new endeavor too -- that of being a pastor's wife.  More than one of the gals asked me what it's like to be a pastor's wife, and if I had an advice to share with them.  Though I have been a PW (as we have been dubbed) for 22 plus years, I didn't really feel like I had much wisdom to impart.  But after I thought about it for a bit, the following hymn came to mind:

Hark the voice of Jesus calling, "Who will go and work today?
Fields are white and harvest waiting -- who will bear the sheaves away?"
Loud and long the Master calls you, rich reward He offers free.
Who will answer, gladly saying, "Here am I, send me, send me"?

If you cannot speak like angels, if you cannot preach like Paul,
You can tell the love of Jesus, you can say he died for all.
If you cannot rouse the wicked, with the judgment's dread alarms,
You can lead the little children to the Savior's waiting arms.

If you cannot be a watchman, standing high on Zion's wall,
Pointing out the path to heaven, offering life and peace to all,
With your prayers and with your bounties you can do what God commands;
You can be like faithful Aaron, holding up the prophet's hands.

Let none hear you idly saying, "There is nothing I can do,"
While the multitudes are dying and the Master calls for you.
Take the task He gives you gladly, let His work your pleasure be;
Answer quickly when He calls you, Here am I, send me, send me!"

I've always loved this hymn and found it so comforting.  I will never speak like an angel or preach like Paul.  I will never be a watchman and point out the path to heaven, nor will I ever rouse the wicked.  The list often seems long of what I cannot do/be/embody.  I often lament that I am not ________ or _______ and that if only I were better at such and such, what a better witness I could be to others.  

But this hymn.  This hymn (and other songs and passages like it) remind me that I am not called to all those things I sometimes wish for.  No -- I am called to this life, this vocation, this place, and God has given me exactly what I need to serve Him here.

So no -- I cannot preach like Paul or speak like angels, but I can lead the little children (my own and my students) to the Savior's waiting arms.  I can tell the love of Jesus to those I encounter each day.  And I can live a life a prayer.

So coming back to where I started -- being a pastor's wife.  Some places might expect the pastor's wife to be an extension of her husband -- great at public speaking, able to run all the church programming, have an amazing ability to recall faces and details, be an organist/pianist/singer, and be gifted in leading Bible studies.  

All these things expected in addition to knowing that a pastor's wife will be called upon to find that balance between home and church life, juggling lots of moving pieces while her husband works often long, and always strange hours?  No wonder the idea of being a pastor's wife can seem daunting!

But this hymn again.  This hymn calls not just the pastor's wife, but all of us, back to who Jesus has called us to be.  "Take the task He gives you gladly, let His work your pleasure be" -- So the question is: what is the task He is giving me?  What is the task He is giving you?

For me, as a pastor's wife, the line "You can be like faithful Aaron, holding up the prophet's hands" has always struck me.  (To be sure, even though I think my husband is pretty amazing, I'm not comparing him to Moses here. :)  But this is where I have settled in in my role as a PW -- holding up my husband's hands, like Aaron did when Moses' arms grew tired of holding up the staff as God had instructed him do. Though I fail often (sometimes fantastically!), this is where I strive to be:  in a role of support to my husband.  To make our home a soft place for him to land.  To listen when he is able to talk.  To give him space and simply be with him when he cannot talk.  To give him grace when he needs it. To not make constant demands on his time and his heart.  To hold up his hands when he is tired.

And as I said, I fail all the livelong day.  But I come back each time, praying to serve where God has placed me.  As a daughter, a sister, a friend, a teacher, a mother and a wife.  

No, I cannot do anything that seems very spectacular, and maybe you feel that you can't either.  But you can answer when He calls you, "Here am I, send me, send me."